My Man Blade 4

My Man Blade 4

“We’ve got to go,” Ryan hoisted Blade to his feet and then stood up. “What have you been eating, boy? My legs are numb.”

“You’re just getting old and feeble,” Blade said with a grin and skipped out of the way. At a safe distance, he stopped and pouted. “Don’t I get to hear the rest of the story?”

Ryan shook his head and tried to look stern. “No wonder Gavin warns me about spoiling you. If you were any more spoiled you’d have an entire entourage. I just spent an hour entertaining you.”

“But you just got to the good part.”

“You mean your top having his ass blistered so bad he had to sleep on his stomach.” Ryan, in a surprisingly fast move for a big man, circled the table and captured Blade, spinning the struggling boy and landing several swats on his thinly covered rump. “I must not have been keeping this the proper temperature if you’re getting that mouthy with me already.”

“No, it’s plenty warm.” Blade made an exaggerated show of rubbing his butt. Blade loved Ryan in this mood: the easy tease, the willingness of Ryan to put his hands on Blade in ways that some people might see as barbaric but Blade knew were filled with love, the quick kisses and the rapid hugs. Milton had called Blade kinetic in one of his oft lecturing modes.

“You need to be touched. It’s who you are. You go spinning off if you’re left to yourself for too long.”

Ryan didn’t leave Blade to himself. If he wasn’t around, he assigned Blade projects or handed him off to Milton and company. He’d even had to polish the silver that Ryan kept shoved in the cabinet above the refrigerator. Why anyone would have sterling silver candlesticks, a sugar bowl, and salt and pepper shakers in an apartment that made a shoe box look roomy was beyond Blade. At least he didn’t have to iron the sheets. There wasn’t enough room for that. Milton liked the sheets ironed, and Gordon was obsessed with it. Permanent press material had been invented in the fifties. Did dominants have some mental block about buying it?

Ryan wrapped his arm around Blade’s shoulder and kissed the top of his head. “Come on. We have to go rescue Ray from big, bad Gavin, and my ass will be toast if we’re late for checking in on them. Gavin is obsessive about those sorts of things.”

Blade trailed Ryan at a fast clip to the locker room where they changed back into their street clothes and up at least seven flights of stairs. Ryan had to be phobic of elevators. Blade kept reminding himself to ask him sometime, but he was always too out of breath after an epic stair climbing event. Blade was going to remember to never visit the Empire State Building.

Blade struggled to catch his breath as Ryan charged down a confusing series of bland corridors and entered a door without knocking. Gavin looked up and smiled.

“Right on time I see.”

“Always.” 

Blade nodded a hello to Gavin, his eyes on Ray. Ray was curled up on the sofa, his head on Gavin’s lap and a soft throw over his body. He opened his eyes at the sound of voices, but they looked dreamy, and Blade was unsure that Ray had really processed that they were in the room. 

Ryan dropped to one knee and brushed the hair off Ray’s forehead. “You doing OK, tough guy?”

“Yeah.” Ray looked up at Gavin who bent and kissed his forehead.

“My good boy. My beautiful boy.”

Ray sighed and snuggled closer to Gavin.

“He’s blissed-out,” Ryan said, getting to his feet. “It must have gone well.”

“He’s a wonderful boy.” Gavin’s hand stroked Ray’s hair in a possessive gesture. “Beautifully responsive.” Gavin looked down at Ray and seemed lost in thought for a moment, his hand continuing to stroke the boy’s hair. “I want to take him home tonight.”

“Gavin.” Ryan’s voice was guarded, and Blade heard the warning in the tone. 

“You both can come with us.”

“Gavin,” Ryan growled, sending a shiver up Blade’s spine. “He’s in no condition to understand what you’re asking or to negotiate what he wants.”

“I’ll take good care of him. I’m not letting anyone else get their hands on him.”

“That’s his choice, not yours.” Ryan’s arms were crossed, and he was glaring at Gavin. Blade had to steady himself; the hard stares of the two dominants were making Blade long for a nice dark corner to hide in.

“I want to go with Gavin.” Ray’s voice was quiet, but there was no doubt that he was sure of his answer. Blade could hear the stubborn determination.

“Kiddo, you like to dive in before checking the water depth,” Ryan said, dropping back to one knee and staring intently at Ray’s face. “Sit up for me.”

Ray struggled into a sitting position, wrapping the blanket tightly around his chest and leaning against Gavin’s shoulder.

“Ray,” Ryan said very gently, “Gavin is a very good dominant, but he is a dominant as am I. We do things to our boys that can be intensely frightening, horrifying, perhaps even criminal to those who do not expect it.”

“I heard last night,” Ray said, sticking his chin out with determination.

“You heard it. You didn’t see it, and you didn’t feel it. This is very hard at times, very frightening, and very isolating when you get out there and can’t tell your best friend what happened last night. I want you to promise if anything doesn’t feel right, is too frightening, or if you’re just unsure that you safeword, and you ask Gavin, or Blade, or me to help. There is no embarrassment or shame in deciding it’s all moving too fast and you need a breathing space, or that being spanked with a hand is pretty neat, but being lashed with a whip makes you nauseous. Promise me, Ray.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Very well.” Ryan ruffled Ray’s hair and stood up. “Gavin you screw this up, and I’ll have your head on a plate.” 

“I know you will, and I’ll be careful.”

“We’re coming with you.”

“Of course, I would expect nothing less.” Gavin stroked his thumb down Ray’s cheek, an infinitely gentle gesture and chastely kissed his forehead. “It’s been a long time, Ryan, but I found it again. I thought I never would.” Gavin’s voice was a near whisper, and Blade thought he saw a glint of tear’s in Gavin’s eyes.

“Be careful, for both of you,” Ryan said softly, his eyes concerned and gentle.

“Thank you.”

Blade looked between the dominants. He wanted to ask what that was about. Clearly there was a history here to which he wasn’t privy.

“Ray, your legs working well enough to walk or do you want to be carried?” Ryan’s voice was back to its usual friendly almost boisterous self. The voice that Blade was more and more associating with Ryan’s professional dominant persona: cheerful, friendly, and with enough dominance to turn a sub’s head.

“OK. I’m carrying you.” Ray wasn’t a big man, and Ryan was impossibly strong. He picked Ray up with the ease that a father picks up his small toddler. “I assume you drove?” Ryan asked Gavin.

“Yes, I’ll have the valet bring it around.”

They actually took the elevator this time. Blade guessed with the added weight of Ray even Ryan wasn’t going to do the stairs. They were going down. Blade would have to arrange for Ryan to carry heavy burdens going up also.

Ryan settled Ray in the back of Gavin’s car. Gavin slid in next to Ray, and Ryan moved to the driver’s side as if this was an expected arrangement.

“Up front with me,” Ryan said, ruffling Blade’s hair as he walked by. “Let them have some privacy.”

Ryan had obviously driven this route before. He knew exactly where to go in the confusing melee of honking taxis, jaywalking pedestrians, and indecipherable signs that required multiple lane changes. Slowly they made their way out of the city onto a dark, but still very busy freeway and through multiple tollbooths that read the electronic E-ZPass on the window. Blade snuck a glance over his shoulder. Ray was curled up with his head on Gavin’s chest and looked asleep. Ryan with the half dozen eyes that the man must possess noticed Blade’s inquisitiveness and swatted Blade’s leg gently.

“Leave them alone.”

“It’s boring up here,” Blade whined. Alone like this, Blade didn’t mind whining. He knew it was socially unacceptable for adult males, but long, dark car rides were tedious, and getting your ass beat was far more socially unacceptable than a restless auto passenger.

“Be good. Aren’t you sore enough?”

“You’d spank me for complaining about a car trip?” Blade asked, trying to sound outraged.

“You’re a Zath, and to my ears that sounded more like, ‘My butt’s not hot enough yet, could you make it warmer.’”

“Ogre.”

“You bet.”

Blade fiddled with the radio. Sports talk dominated the dial with callers asking more idiotic and irate questions at each different station and the hosts getting louder as he switched stations. “That caller needs a good spanking,” Blade commented as he listened to somebody rant about a college basketball coach for not enticing the best recruits.

“Lots of boys aren’t lucky enough to find a wonderful man to take care of those special needs.” Ryan chuckled softly. “I have you covered in that area. Could you try to find some music that’s not rap or turn the thing off.”

“But this is kind of fun. I can just imagine the spittle flying out of the guy’s mouth, and could you see Gordon with a boy like that? ‘Your manners are despicable, my lad. Well brought up young men do not shout at radio hosts.’”

“Don’t let Gordon hear you mock him or sitting will be a distant memory.”

“Landon does it.”

“Landon, as Gordon’s partner, has special license for such behavior. It’s not polite, and I don’t want you to do it.”

“Yes, teach,” Blade said sarcastically.

“Careful.” 

The warning was clear and Blade with a huff turned toward the window and watched the blackness dotted with the distant lights of the surrounding houses that were clustered around the exits. He wanted Ryan to himself, not driving Gavin’s car to some house in some distant village. He only had the weekend with Ryan, and now he had to share him. Blade knocked his fingers against the glass. He knew he shouldn’t feel this way. He was a Green Mountain Boy. Hadn’t it been impressed on him that it was his duty to help other submissives? And he liked Ray, but he liked Ryan more and alone. Blade wanted to be curled up against Ryan, not be strapped into the passenger seat of an oversized car that smelled of leather and slipped silently down the road away from Ryan’s apartment.

“Do you like pizza?” Gavin asked.

“What?” Blade muttered still lost in his morose thoughts.

“Pizza, boy, do you like it?”

“Yeah.”

Gavin didn’t say anything for several long seconds. Blade knew he shouldn’t have answered in that tone. Gavin was a dominant and Ryan’s mentor. He deserved respect. “I’m going to ignore that rudeness for now.” Gavin’s voice was soft, and Blade had to strain to hear him. “But, boy, your behavior reflects directly back to Ryan, and I know you wouldn’t want to embarrass or discredit Ryan.”

“Sorry.” Blade ducked his head. He hadn’t meant to make it look like Ryan was a bad top. 

“Kiddo,” Gavin continued in that same slow, quiet tone, “I know you didn’t. Your emotions are all over the place. You were in serious trouble with Ryan yesterday. It takes a few days to regain your equilibrium even for a submissive as bold and brash as you. You fake it well, but I’m sure Ryan shook you yesterday, and now when all you want is time alone he has to come babysit me with your friend who you are worried about as brand new to our world with a dominant whom you met only yesterday.”

Blade looked back over his shoulder. Gavin’s fingers were slowly playing through Ray’s hair as he continued to sleep. Gavin smiled gently at Blade and held his finger to his lip.

“Nothing more beautiful than a satisfied boy sleeping. I take good care of my boys, and I’ll make sure Ryan has time to take care of you this weekend.”

“Thank you, Gavin,” Blade said softly. “I was being an ass.”

“You were being a tired, cranky, and lost boy. We have ways to fix that. Now what do you want on your pizza?”

They discussed toppings for several minutes. Blade tried to remember what Ray liked without much success so they finally settled on one cheese and one pepperoni plus a salad to keep Ryan happy.

Ray woke as they pulled to a stop in front of the pizza joint and yawned. “Where are we?”

“Greenwich. We’ll be home in a few minutes,” Gavin said and kissed Ray chastely on the lips. 

“Why am I so sleepy?”

“The after effects of the endorphins. How sore are you now?”

Ray shifted and hissed. “It hurts more now.”

“You were high as a kite earlier. That was blocking the pain.”

“It felt good,” Ray said, his voice full of wonder. 

“It was supposed to. Spankings for pleasure are supposed to feel good.”

“But it’s painful. I don’t understand?”

Gavin tousled Ray’s hair and kissed his forehead. “We don’t only process pain as pain. It can be processed as pleasure when administered right.”

“I’m weird.”

“No you’re a submissive who’s embarking on a wonderful journey to find out about himself.” Gavin’s voice dropped a notch. “I’m the weird one. I enjoy giving pain, hardly a socially acceptable hobby. Think about that when you start to beat yourself up for wanting to submit. It takes two to tango in this game, and neither of us are going to be in a first grade reader on average family life.”

Blade had to smile at that. Meet Joe and Mark. They live in the brick house with the picket fence. They have a dog. Joe spanks Mark over the back of the sofa. No, that wasn’t going to be in a first grade reader, and damn Gavin was good. He was smoothly bringing Ray back to reality, keeping the worst of his fears and doubts at bay, but not dismissing them as silly or inconsequential.

Ryan came back with the pizza before Blade’s thoughts could sink any further into total silliness. “Sleeping Beauty's awake,” he said to Ray and handed Blade the pizzas.

The rest of the drive took only a few minutes. With the odor of pepperoni and Italian spices wafting from the box, Blade was hungry. He could feel his mouth salivate as the pizza fragrance permeated the car. He’d open the box and grab a slice if he were alone with Ryan. This car was spotless; Gavin probably didn’t allow eating in the car.

Blade heard the thump and click of the blinker; they pulled into a driveway and came to a halt. Black lampposts with flickering lanterns lit the walk, giving Blade the feel of nineteenth century London or at least how it looked in films. Gavin went ahead, his arm still securely around Ray, and unlocked the door and switched off the security system. They were in a big airy kitchen just at Ryan had described it complete with plants on the windowsill. Ryan bent down, unlaced his shoes, and set them in the shoe rack, and Blade copied his top’s actions.

“Boys, no shoes or socks on in the house.” Gavin stood conspicuous in his running shoes. “Ryan, it doesn’t include you anymore,” he said with a slight grin. “I guess my training held.”

“I might be a dom now, but if I put a scratch on your floor my name will still be mud,” Ryan said with an easy grin. “Socks will be much safer. Hiking boots and wood floors, not a good mix.”

“You always were smart even when you were being a lunatic.”

Ray bent down and took his shoes off. A groan slipped from his lips as the muscle in his buttocks stretched and contracted. “There’s no way I can sit on those chairs,” Ray whispered, eyeing the hard surface of the kitchen chairs.

“Me either, buddy. Don’t forget yesterday, this morning, and pre swim. I have the permanent flame thrower effect.” Blade hoped they wouldn’t have to kneel. He rather liked it, but it would be a big step for Ray especially with an audience.

“We’ll eat in the family room,” Gavin announced, grabbing colorful plates from the open shelves and slipping behind Blade to whisper in his ear. “I know you’re both sore, and I think someone’s been telling tales out of school from the pleading look you’re giving Ryan.”

Blade turned and schooled his features into his most innocent look: wide-eyed, boyish, and harmless.

“Don’t even pretend with me,” Gavin said with a true smile and the lightest of swats on Blade’s hip. “See I know Ryan, and he doesn’t go for innocent.”

The family room was one of those comfortable rooms with a mishmash of oversized furniture that looked like it had escaped the decorator’s hand. A pile of silk pillows spread around the television and stacked in the corner gave it a slight look of debauchery along with the thick carpets and abstract but suggestive tapestries on the walls, or at least suggestive to Blade. Maybe someone without such a dirty mind wouldn’t notice or would imagine far different scenes in their swirls of lines. Ryan stacked the pizzas on the coffee table and dished the salad on each plate.

“You are eating something green tonight,” Ryan said with a pointed look at Blade.

“Yes, oh lord of nutrition,” Blade snarked.

“Or maybe we should provide some entertainment for the masses with a public spanking,” Ryan said with a wicked grin.

“I’ll be good and eat salad.” Blade grabbed a lettuce leaf and shoved it in his mouth. “And I promise not to throw the bowl at Gavin.”

“Someone has definitely been telling tales,” Gavin said with a laugh. “I’m sure Ryan knows exactly how to handle thrown serving dishes as he does have personal experience in that area.”

“I do,” Ryan said gravely, but the twinkle in his eyes gave away that he was kidding. “I know the exact corrective procedure for flying bowls.” Ryan took a large helping of salad and a slice of pizza before sitting on the sofa. Blade looked at Ryan, unsure if he should kneel by him. “Do you need to?” Ryan asked quietly, his voice serious and full of the gentleness and compassion that made Blade want to drop his head and worship at his master’s feet.

“I think so,” Blade said and felt his face flush. He was admitting to needing, to wanting to kneel by Ryan.

Ryan clicked his fingers. “You can feed yourself, boy.”

“Ray,” Gavin said, his voice pitched to a low and kind tone. “We haven’t talk about any of this, but the kneeling is not punishment. Blade is kneeling because he wants to be close to Ryan; he wants to calm himself. He knows he’s close to trouble, and while they were joking about it if Blade had given Ryan just a little more lip, he’d be in trouble for real, and I don’t think Blade wants to be there right now. You can stretch out on your stomach, or you can kneel. I don’t think you want to do much sitting.”

Ray looked over at Blade, the confusion and a trace of longing evident on his face. He clutched his plate of pizza and seemed to hover in space.

“Boy, over here.” Gavin clicked his fingers. 

Ray moved quickly to the side of the sofa, standing awkwardly on half bent legs, looking remarkably like a forlorn little boy searching a crowd for his mother.

“Kneel.” Gavin’s voice was soft, but insistent, and he placed a hand on Ray’s shoulder. Blade didn’t think he was actually pushing downward, but he was surely preventing Ray’s escape. 

Ray sank to his knees, ducking his head, and hiding his flush behind his fringe of hair. 

“Good boy. Settle into a comfortable position. I’m right here. Good boy.”

Ray pressed against Gavin, the image of a cat rubbing against an owner’s legs. Gavin slowly fingered Ray’s hair, letting each strand slip through his fingers. 

“Breathe, sweetheart.”

Ray drew a shuddering breath and tried to steady his pizza with shaking hands. Gavin reached down and covered Ray’s hand with his own larger one. 

“This isn’t a contest or a race. All you’re doing is kneeling here and eating good pizza. I know it’s your first time, maybe even the first time you’ve thought of going this far.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Ray’s voice sounded high, tight, and close to tears.

“Physically or mentally?”

“Mentally?” Ray choked. He probably would have scrambled up if Gavin hadn’t shifted to partially entrap Ray between his legs.

“I’ve got you.” Gavin said, speaking slowly and clearly. “Put your plate on the floor.” Gavin released Ray’s handed and waited for the plate to rest on the rug. “Good. Scoot around and face me. Put your hands on my thigh, one atop of the other. Gavin took both wrists in his bigger hand. “Count backwards from twenty by twos.”

“Twenty, eighteen, sixteen.” Ray hesitated.

“Keep going. Fourteen,” Gavin said.

“Twelve, ten.” Ray’s voice faded again, and he shifted against Gavin’s grip. “Eight, six, four, two,” he finished quickly in one gulp of air.

“Now count up by threes.” Gavin’s voice was steady and reasonable, and Blade found himself silently doing the arithmetic. It was an insane request, but Gavin made it sound reasonable and normal. Didn’t everyone kneel on the floor and play silly counting games?

“Three, six, nine, twelve, fifteen.” Ray’s voice became steadier as the numbers increased in value.

Gavin stopped him at twenty-four. “Good. Can you eat now?”

“I think so,” Ray said after a moment’s hesitation. “Why?” Ray asked, leaving the question unfinished. 

Blade knew the questions; he’d asked himself the same questions a thousand times. He could hear them in Ray’s head. Why had that made Ray feel better? Why had Gavin asked him to count, and how had Gavin known it would work?

“It’s a small distraction. It’s hard to hold your breath and count. It’s hard to count and worry about what Blade and Ryan are thinking, or how all those quote normal people don’t kneel and eat dinner.” Gavin ruffled his fingers through Ray’s hair. “Just remember that we tend to have a hell of a lot more fun than those normal people. Life is too short to pretend to be something you’re not because it’s what you see around you. Now eat your dinner, boy.”

Blade watched through his lashes, half cheating on keeping his eyes down, and from the glance from Ryan and the faintest ghost of a smile he was aware of Blade’s minor disobedience, but was letting it slide. Ray was eating. He had sunk back on his heels and was leaning into Gavin’s long, jean clad legs as if he belonged there. Gavin’s hand never left Ray: stroking his hair, resting quietly on his shoulder, or steadily gripping his neck in firm support.

“We’ll clean up,” Ryan said, shifting the few remaining slices of pizza into a single box and placing a supporting hand under Blade’s elbow to bring him to his feet.

“I was having fun.” Blade braved a small whine as they entered the kitchen. 

“This is hard enough for Ray without feeling like he’s under a microscope,” Ryan chided. He hooked an arm around Blade and pulled him close. “Blade, you’re used to living at Milton’s where not much is private, and you do this easily. Ray doesn’t need to be comparing himself to you.”

“I wouldn’t put him down for it,” Blade said, stung by the words.

“I know you wouldn’t.” Ryan kissed the top of Blade’s head. “But Ray will. He’s unsure. He doesn’t want to look like an imbecile next to you. You’re a potent and confident submissive despite your occasional wayward behavior. He’s made several decisions that before today would have been completely socially unacceptable for him. It’s a huge step from dreaming of this and dismissing it as wild and unattainable fantasy to finding yourself kneeling between Gavin’s legs and liking it.”

“Gavin liked it too.”

Ryan laughed. “You would notice that. I thought your eyes were supposed to be down when you’re kneeling. Hmm?”

“More fun to watch.”

“You’ll get yourself in trouble for that one day.”

“I can always smile and bat my pretty greens as you.”

“Impossible boy.” Ryan swatted Blade with the tea towel. “For that you can do the dishes on your own without the help of the dishwasher.”

“Meanie!”

“Get busy.” Ryan sat at the kitchen table and crossed his legs. All he needed was a pipe and a newspaper to look like the perfect paternal figure supervising his household. 

Blade jammed the stopper in the sink and filled it with water. He didn’t want to do the dishes by hand and alone. The plates clattered as he dropped them in the sink with too much force, and Blade splashed water around the counter.

“If you can’t keep it in the sink, you’ll have to mop the floor also,” Ryan said in a much too reasonable voice that ignited Blade’s temper.

“Why don’t you do it if you’re such an expert!”

“Boy, strip.”

Blade froze. He’d messed around in the apartment naked with Ryan, pretending to be a houseboy or a disobedient cabin boy, but it had never been for real. This was an order; the tone left no doubt. Blade tugged his shirt from his pants and dragged it over his head. He folded it with a new found desire for precision, but even that didn’t take long enough, and Ryan’s eyes were fixed on Blade in what could optimistically be called an unfriendly manner. Arctic ice was more like it. Slowly, Blade unsnapped his jeans and lowered his fly before letting them fall to the floor. He picked them up, practically creasing the seams as he meticulously folded them. His hand hovered on the waist band of his boxers, and he dared a pleading look at Ryan.

Ryan stared back impassively, the remote and imposing dom.

Blade jerked down his boxers, letting them pool at his ankles and turned and faced Ryan. He laced his fingers behind this head and stood in perfect present position. If Ryan wanted Blade naked, Ryan could enjoy the full show.

“Finish the dishes.”

Finish the dishes! That was all he could say. Blade turned back to the sink and savagely threw the dishcloth into the water. Fuck him! Fuck all this! He banged and clattered through the plates, slapping them down on the drain board to dry.

“Satisfied?” Blade snarled.

“Dry them and you can start on the floor. There’s a mop and a bucket in the closet.”

Blade snapped his mouth shut. He wanted to say something horrible, but his ass was still a rosy pink. He didn’t want to mop the floor. 

“Boy.” Ryan’s grip was strong, and he tumbled Blade over his lap effortlessly. The swats weren’t that hard or that many, but Blade found himself in tears. He gulped and struggled and finally hung limply over Ryan’s lap, letting the tears fall. “Your emotions are all over the place,” Ryan said in that warm gentle voice Blade loved so well. He rubbed Blade’s lower back, keeping him in place, but promising comfort and better things to come.

“I’m sorry,” Blade choked out. He hadn’t meant to be so impossible. It was only a few dishes. How did it get so out of hand?

“Can I let you up without any more fireworks?”

“Yes, Ryan.”

“All right.” Ryan lifted Blade and wrapped him in a smothering hug. “Get dressed, but you’re still doing the floor,” he said directly into Blade’s ear, his evening stubble tickling Blade’s cheek: warm, familiar, and reassuring.

Blade grabbed his boxers and jeans and jerked them on, wincing as they rubbed against his freshly tenderized flesh. “Hurts,” Blade moaned, hoping a play for sympathy might be met with another hug.

“It’s just right for a sub like you. I can use it for a nightlight tonight.”

“Ugh! Ryan!”

“Submissives should have glowing red butts. I read it in the rules somewhere.”

“Ryan!” Blade wasn’t sure if that came out as whine of protest, a true gripe, or a tease. He couldn’t figure it out himself. Ryan must have heard the confusion because his big hand captured Blade’s neck and his lips met Blade’s: warm, rough, and flavored with tomato sauce. The kiss was long and passionate and left Blade gasping for breath.

“Let’s finish up the floor, and then I can finish up the kiss.” Ryan ran his hands down the smooth planes of Blade’s chest, the strokes firm and possessive. “My boy.”

“Yours.” Blade let his whole weight lean against Ryan. He knew Ryan wouldn’t let him fall. Ryan’s arms circled him; the sleeves of his cotton sweatshirt rubbed Blade’s naked belly.

“Someone doesn’t seem too keen to put his shirt back on.” Ryan lowered his head and kissed Blade’s shoulder, his mouth resting just long enough in one spot to send a shiver through Blade. Ryan’s tongue lapped where he had just kissed; his arms tightened and his teeth grazed the skin, making Blade squirm. Ryan’s teeth hurt, but it felt good too in some crazy primitive way. “Good boy.” Ryan grabbed Blade’s belt loop and dragged him toward the mop and bucket of water. “Mop,” he growled.

Mopping had never been something that Blade would have considered a hot activity, but God it was hot now. He was scrubbing the floor and hard as a rock. Ryan’s hands never left Blade’s bare torso. His lips brushed against Blade’s shoulder only to disappear and glide fleetingly across Blade’s back only to be replaced with the sharp sting of Ryan’s teeth. He let a whimper escape his lips at a particularly hard nip.

“God,” Blade moaned.

“No, not God just me Ryan, and hurry up so I can finish this job in the privacy of our bedroom.” Ryan licked down the back of Blade’s neck.

“This is going to be the worst job ever.” Blade squirmed in Ryan’s hands, slopping water across the floor with erratic jabs of the mop.

“Hurry, boy. I can’t wait much longer,” Ryan growled in Blade’s ear.

Blade knew he couldn’t wait any longer. He swabbed at the final corner, wrung out the mop, and poured the bucket into the sink. “I’m done.” Blade spun around and grinned wildly.

Ryan pretended to study the floor, running his finger along the still damp surface, before swinging Blade over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. “Finally, I get my prize.”

****

Ryan had kissed Blade’s cheek as he’d slid out of bed this morning, tucking the coverlets around his still half sleeping boy. Blade had gone back to sleep, but not for long. The sun was only beginning to light the windows as Blade stretched and poked a foot out from under the covers. The air was cold, and Blade was tempted to cover himself with the quilt and go back to sleep. After all, Ryan didn’t let him sleep in very often, and Milton was fixated about schedules. Blade could hear Milton’s growl in his head.

“You do better without disruptions in your schedule, boy. Up with you, or you’ll be driving everyone crazy this evening.”

Blade had been a night person until Milton. Now he had trouble sleeping beyond seven. He scurried out of bed and grabbed the clothes Ryan had left folded on the dresser, his jeans from yesterday but someone else’s shirt and underwear and a sweatshirt from Ryan’s alma mater that hung nearly to Blade’s knees with sleeves that hung well beyond his wrists.

Blade made his way down the stairs and through several rooms until he heard voices.

“Blade, settle down last night? You were working hard at it.”

Blade halted out of their line of sight and listened. He squatted down and peeked around the corner. Gavin and Ryan were sitting at a table, coffee mugs in hand and the remnants of fruit in front of them. Ryan seemed to be gazing out the window to the water beyond, but Blade could tell he had one eye on Gavin as he sipped his coffee.

“Eventually, but that’s half the fun with that boy.”

“High maintenance.”

“Worth it, and he’s still adjusting to me. He’s been living with the Head of the Green Mountain Boys.”

“Their protocols are rigid.”

“Milton’s more forward thinking than Gordon.”

Blade ducked his head behind the wall as Ryan look in Blade’s direction. He shouldn’t be here; he knew that. Spying on the doms would not have a pretty ending if he was caught. He should go into the kitchen and clatter around, so they knew he was awake and within earshot. But Blade wanted to hear.

Gavin made some sort of snorting sound. “He’s Gordon’s protégé.”

“He also has Blade’s brother for a partner. You can imagine what that does to a man.”

“He had both Zath boys until you took Blade, didn’t he?”

Ryan laughed, and Blade would have loved to see both men’s expressions. Two Zaths always made people grimace. “He’s made of tough stuff, that one,” Ryan said with a trace of wonder in his voice. “He’s truly one of the good guys.”

“He’d kill me about Ray, wouldn’t he?”

“You took him to bed last night?”

“Yes, and I was careful. Don’t look at me like that. I love that boy.”

Blade had to look; he wanted to see Gavin’s face. Gavin was leaning on the table, staring intently at Ryan. He ran his hand through his hair and slowly sat back, crossing his long legs.

“I felt it; I saw it. I know.” Gavin ran his hand over his face as if to wipe away tears. “It’s been years. I thought I never would again, but I know. He’s not Zach, but he’s the one.”

“I trust you, but I’ll be watching.”

“I would expect nothing less. It’s been a long time since I’ve had such a young and inexperienced boy. I can’t survive another Zach.” Gavin turned his head and his eyes locked with Blade. “Boy!” He launched himself from the chair and caught Blade by his collar in a blur of motion. “Deal with him.” Gavin shoved Blade into Ryan’s arms and stalked out of the room.

Blade shivered in Ryan’s grasp. It wasn’t a warm hug, but a restraining hold. Gavin had been mad, furious, and the glance that Blade dared at Ryan’s face had not been reassuring. Ryan had looked equally furious, his blue eyes harsh with an icy frostiness. 

“Sorry. I’m sorry,” Blade babbled.

“Hush” Ryan shook Blade. “You’ve done enough damage.”

“Ryan--” 

“Boy, can you obey on one thing. I told you to hush.”

Blade could feel the hot tears pressing on his eyelids and starting to drip down his face.

“Corner.” Ryan shoved Blade into the corner.

Blade could hear the sound of drawers being opened, and something thrown on the table. He didn’t dare turn around. Ryan was angry, and Gavin--those few words had been beyond anger. Blade leaned his head against the wall and let the tears fall. He’d just been curious; he hadn’t meant to spy; he hadn’t meant to violate their privacy and trust. He knew he was sobbing, but he didn’t care. Why wouldn’t Ryan touch him? He needed Ryan. Shit! He needed Ryan’s approval. 

“Blade, you’ll make yourself sick.” Ryan’s hand was heavy on Blade’s back, and he ruffled the uncombed hair.

“You’re mad at me.” Blade heard the pitiful whine in his voice, but he couldn’t stop it.

“I’m not happy.” Ryan’s voice was measured and controlled. “Eavesdropping is unworthy and deceitful of you. I’m ashamed.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“You didn’t mean to hide behind the wall and hear our conversation? I wasn’t born yesterday.”

“It wasn’t planned. It just happened,” Blade choked out between the tears.

“When you heard us you should have made us aware of your presence, not been skulking in the corners of the hallway. It’s Gavin’s choice to tell you of his past. You took that choice away.”

“I’m sorry.” Blade was sorry. He didn’t want Ryan disappointed or ashamed of his behavior. He wanted Ryan proud of him. “I know it’s only words, but I am sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“That’s your problem.” Ryan stroked his hand over Blade’s hair. “You’re impulsive. You don’t think of those around you. You don’t think of my wants or needs. You’re my submissive. What does that mean to you?”

“Ryan.” Blade fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around Ryan’s knees. “Please. Don’t send me away.”

“Blade, what am I’m going to do with you?” Ryan rested his hand on Blade’s head. “Blade, I’m phenomenally unhappy with you, but you didn’t do anything send away worthy. I will never send you away for disobedience,” Ryan said vehemently. “Your mine. It’s my failure when you’re disobedient.”

“It’s not your fault,” Blade said into Ryan’s pants legs. “I knew it was wrong. I knew going with Matt and Ray was wrong.”

“But you did it anyway.” Ryan curled Blade’s hair around his fingers. “I want you to take pleasure in obeying me; I won’t beat the obedience into you.” Ryan paused, squatted down next to Blade, and took Blade’s chin in his hand. “But you need real consequences, punishment you fear and respect. Milton puts checks on your behavior, and you need me to do the same. You’re not that brash, happy go lucky trouble maker you show the world. You’re a scared little boy who wants someone to organize his dinner and put him to bed every night with a kiss. I can do that. You might not always like it, but I can do it. Punishment--I won’t beat you, not for punishment.”

“I deserve it.”

“No one deserves to be beaten, not for real. I’ll punish you,” Ryan said grimly, “and you’ll know it’s punishment. Stand up.” Ryan rose and pulled Blade to his feet. “See what I have on the table.”

Blade nodded, his mouth dry. There was a blindfold and ear muffs that Blade knew without asking would block out all sound. Blade hated the dark. He forcefully controlled his breathing. He could do this; he’d disgraced Ryan.

“I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, ‘See no evil. Hear no evil.’ We’ll we’re going to put it into effect.” 

Blade nodded. He couldn’t produce enough spittle to form words. He struggled to hide the shaking. He could do this. He wouldn’t let Ryan down.

“Some dark and quiet thinking time should work perfectly.” 

Ryan fitted the blindfold around Blade’s face. It was absolutely dark. It was only Ryan’s hand on Blade’s elbow that kept him from screaming. He took a long slow breath, trying to drop his heart rate. He made himself stand slouched, his hands unclenched. He wasn’t going to fail Ryan here. The ear muffs fit securely over his ears, and his world became quiet, no sound of Ryan’s breathing, no sound of his feet against the floor, no creak of an old house in the wind. Just stillness. Ryan led him somewhere, probably to the corner. He let go of Blade’s arm, and Blade was alone in darkness and silence. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and hear the blood in his ears despite the ear muffs. Blade touched the wall. It was the corner. He was only standing in the corner. He could do this. Ryan never left him for more than thirty minutes. Where was Ryan? Blade was alone. He felt his legs shake. He thought he was going to vomit.

“Limerick! Limerick!”

“I’ve got you. Breathe. I’ve got you.”

Blade could hear; he could see again. He was in Ryan’s lap. He clung to Ryan in fierce desperation, gulping air and trying to make the room stop spinning.

“Can I move enough to get you some water? You’re still too pale.”

Blade nodded; it was all he could manage. Ryan gently moved one clutching hand and reached to the table for a glass and a pitcher of water.

“Slowly,” Ryan said, not letting go of the glass which was a good thing as Blade’s hands were shaking too hard to manage. “Easy. A few more sips.” Blade swallowed down the water, his nausea abating. The room seemed clearer. It had stopped spinning. “Sit here and just breathe. That’s all you have to do is breathe.”

Blade breathed. Sitting and breathing was hard work. Ryan rested his chin on Blade’s head and held tight, the heft of his arms and the solidness of his grip seeping into Blade’s soul. “What happened?”

“You panicked and safeworded. Are you ready to talk about it? There’s no hurry.”

Blade took a long, slow breath. “Can I have more water?” This time Blade could manage the glass. He drank greedily, and Ryan refilled it once. “Thank you.”

“Dehydration is not an approved form of punishment.”

Blade saw the flicker of humor in Ryan’s eyes. It was infinitely reassuring. If Ryan could joke, Blade must be OK. “Darkness obviously isn’t either,” Blade said desperately trying for his usual light snark. He was the cool guy; he didn’t panic.

“Are you afraid of the dark?”

God, did he tell Ryan? Grown men weren’t afraid of the dark. They didn’t have nightmares about being locked in trunks. That was an accident. They’d been playing hide and seek. Oh, God. Blade grabbed for the water glass again.

“You’re always leaving the light on in the bathroom. You don’t like the dark, and it was worse when you couldn’t hear. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think it was this bad. You were mad.”

“What if you were bound? What if we were doing it for fun? Blade, I was watching you closely because I’d never done this before. Were you trying to hide your fear from me?”

“Yes, Ryan. I didn’t want you angrier. I didn’t want to fail you.”

“Being afraid isn’t a failure. It means we work on it. Terror is not a tool in my punishment arsenal.”

“What are you going to do now?” Blade asked, not wanting to lift his head from Ryan’s soft shirt.

“Obviously not that. Are you ready to continue, or do you need more time?”

“I’m OK.” Blade licked his dry lips. He was fine. He’d put that stupid panic behind him.

“Was it the darkness or the quiet that set it off?”

Did they have to talk about it? Could Blade say anything that didn’t make him sound like a total idiot? He could take the belt and the cane, and he’d panicked at a little darkness.

“Blade, I noticed in Vermont where it was truly dark outside at night without the bleed from the neighbors’ windows and the street lamps that you left the bathroom light on. I thought you were just being forgetful. I guess not.” Ryan stroked his hand down Blade’s back.

“It’s stupid. Grown men aren’t afraid of the dark.”

“Why ever not?” Ryan kissed the top of Blade’s head. 

“Monsters don’t live in the closet. I outgrew that when I was four.”

“I don’t know about that,” Ryan said gently. “I can qualify as a monster when I declare you disobedient.”

“No you’re not.” Blade looked up at Ryan’s concerned, blue eyes. The kindness, the gentleness was obvious in Ryan’s face. He could never be a monster. Words were so inadequate for what Blade wanted to say. In serious stuff, he wasn’t glib and articulate. He was glib and confident with strangers and an idiot with his own partner.

“I’m a dominant. I don’t exactly always treat you in ways other people would see as appropriate or nice.”

“I need you to do that.” Blade grabbed Ryan’s hand, squeezing it in his much smaller one. “I know enough about myself to know I need that, to know I want it. I’m a submissive, a disobedient submissive who’s in disgrace and still needs punished.”

“I don’t want to do that again.”

“Ryan, please.” Blade was whining; he knew he was. He couldn’t fail in this. He was Ryan’s boy. He trusted Ryan; he should never have panicked.

“Using your safeword is not a failure.” Ryan touched Blade’s forehead with his lips. “It’s there so I never harm you. It’s my responsibility as your dominant to never harm you.”

“I trust you.” Blade tried to hide himself further into Ryan’s massive chest. It was silly, but it was easier to talk about real things when he couldn’t be seen. “I need you to punish me.”

“Stand up.” Ryan sounded brusk and businesslike. “Back into the corner. You will stand for ten minutes with your eyes shut and contemplate your behavior this morning.”

The corner was familiar. Ryan’s hands were warm and strong on Blade’s shoulders. Blade took a deep breath and shut his eyes. It was fine. He could feel Ryan’s finger’s digging into his shoulders; he could hear Ryan’s quiet and slow breathing.

Ten minutes! What would he think about for ten minutes? Standing still for ten minutes was almost impossible. Blade usually shifted from foot to foot, hopping in place in the corner, but with Ryan’s hands firmly anchoring Blade, he had to be still. 

Gavin was in love with Ray. Wasn’t that what he’d said this morning? Did Ray have any idea what he was getting into? Had Blade known? Milton had always been clear of his expectations as was Ryan, but still it was different. Ryan wanted everything, and Blade wanted to give it. This morning was a hiccup, or was it the reflection of the sheer impossibility of the desire? Blade liked his independence; maybe he liked it too much to always yield to Ryan. A good submissive would never have been spying on his dominant conversing with a fellow dominant. It wasn’t Blade’s business; he would be told what he needed to know, but Sheldon would spy and Landon might. Blade could never figure out Landon. He was strong, independent, tough as nails, but he knelt at Gordon’s feet, and he usually yielded to Gordon, or that was how it looked. Milton had said once that the image wasn’t always what happened in private.

“All submissive have a significant amount of control because it is ultimately the submissive who chooses to release the power; a good dominant doesn’t just take it; he receives the gift, and they work together. Landon has as much or more control in the relationship; he merely chooses to exercise it in a different fashion than Gordon. Landon submits to Gordon, but Landon gives Gordon his submission. Gordon hasn’t wrestled it from him.”

Blade made Ryan fight for it, struggle for every tiny millimeter. Blade wanted to turn around and throw himself at Ryan’s feet, to beg forgiveness for his impertinence, to offer Ryan his true submission, but he had to stay in the corner with his eyes shut. His submission was in standing still; Blade could at least manage such a small step. 

“Good boy.” Ryan turned Blade around and kissed his forehead. “Open your eyes now.”

“Ten minutes already?”

“Yes. What were you thinking about?”

Blade flushed, wishing he still had his eyes shut so he didn’t have to look at Ryan’s overwhelming kindness in the bright blue eyes and traces of worry lines on his forehead. “About being a submissive.”

“Hmm?” That neutral noise meant that Ryan expected Blade to say more.

“I’m a terrible submissive.”

“You’re my submissive, and that’s all that matters, kid.” Ryan forced Blade’s chin up with his hand and kissed his boy on the lips. Blade melted against Ryan; he always did when Ryan touched him. “Good boy.” Ryan pulled away and stroked Blade’s hair. “You felt that?”

 Blade nodded. The physical response was automatic. Why couldn’t he make his brain follow the same tracks instead of derailing him into a minefield?

“You submit.”

“Not always,” Blade said scathingly.

“Blade, you’re young. I don’t want a robot, and submitting to me doesn’t mean always and absolutely. I don’t want a lifeless blob at my feet. We will decide together the best places for your independence, but today I wasn’t angry with you for violating some mythical and impossible to obtain plane of submission. I would have been angry if you were my vanilla partner. You violated my trust and Gavin’s trust. Do your parents eavesdrop on their houseguests?”

“Not usually.” Blade gave Ryan a wry grin. “I think Mom would like to.”

“What mom doesn’t want to occasionally spy on her grown children, but yours doesn’t, does she?”

“No, as far as I know.”

“She doesn’t. Why do you think she gave us the attic room? Too far for her and your father to hear us. Your mother wasn’t born yesterday; she has a good idea what goes on in our relationship, but she respects our privacy as I respect hers. I try to keep anything out of sight that I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing in the aisle of the grocery store. Gavin’s in our lifestyle. I can spank you within his sight or hearing, but he still expects private conversations to be private.”

“Yes, Ryan.” Blade fell back on his most formal way of answering Ryan. He didn’t have any better answer; it had been wrong.

“What do you think would have happened if we were a couple not in a power exchange? Would I have smiled and acted like nothing had happened?”

“No.” Blade shook his head. There would have been shouting and embarrassment. 

“Gavin might have thrown us out. I would have been humiliated and yelled at you. Since you’re my submissive, I have a few more tools at my disposal.”

“Gavin was mad.”

“He’ll get over it.” Ryan stroked his fingers through Blade’s hair. “You ready for the next part?”

Blade nodded, his mouth suddenly dry. Would Ryan make him wear the blindfold?

“Sit down.”

Blade almost skittered up as his rump touched the polished wood floor. He was still sore from yesterday.

“The floor on your ass is a good memory aid.”

Blade only nodded. He usually would have protested, but he was already in enough trouble.

“You’re subdued, kid,” Ryan said almost to himself. “I want you to put the ear muffs on. Keep your eyes on me. I’ll be sitting at the table. I won’t leave you.” Ryan handed Blade the ear muffs and stepped away.

Quiet. Blade didn’t do quiet. With Milton, there was always the rustle of background noise. Blade even studied with noise, the constant drone of music from his headphones, or he liked to study that way. Milton had a bad habit of taking them away with a gentle scold.

He couldn’t hear anything. Experimentally Blade clapped his hands together, not a sound. Ryan looked up from the book he had taken from the shelf, some well worn paperback that he must have read before since he started in the middle. He raised his eyebrows, the question obvious on his face. 

Blade shook his head. He was OK; he could handle the silence. Ryan’s eyes dropped back to the book, but Blade still had the feeling of being watched. It wasn’t sinister or unwanted, but safe and secure. Ryan had him; Ryan would protect him. Blade was safe in his submission; he could let himself fall; Ryan wouldn’t let him fail.

Blade watched Ryan as he flipped the pages in the book. The book was dwarfed in Ryan’s large, masculine hands. He licked his finger and turned to the next page. He didn’t have his reading glasses, and he was squinting a little at the text, the laugh lines scrunched around those brilliant blue eyes. Blade sighed. He wished he was in Ryan’s lap: safe, protected, and loved. Ryan loved him. Blade could still hardly believe his good fortune. Blade knew he was charming, that he could smile and say all the right things and people wanted him, but it had never been real for Blade, not until Ryan. Blade had wanted Ryan and suddenly all those skills that had let him slide through life with an ever changing entourage of people around him deserted him. He couldn’t bat his eyes and turn on the charm with Ryan. He had stood dumbfounded, staring up at a magnificent creature. He wanted to be Ryan’s. Blade shut his eyes, feeling that first touch of Ryan’s finger against the skin. It had been electric, all the stars and explosions of the overblown romantic movie. When Ryan encircled Blade in his powerful arms, Blade knew he was home. He was Ryan’s. He wanted all those horrifying and terrifying thoughts that were somehow wonderful when Ryan did it.

“Blade, you with me?”

“Ryan.” Blade opened his eyes blinking at the sudden light. He hadn’t noticed Ryan taking off the ear muffs. Blade hadn’t even noticed that he’d shut his eyes. Blade stared at Ryan; this was his man. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now come here, boy, before this turns all sappy.” Ryan lifted Blade to his feet, and swatted him lightly on the butt and was rewarded with a sharp yelp from Blade. “Let’s start this day again, boy. Scoot. Shower and meet me in the kitchen.”

“You’re not coming with me?” Blade leered, trying to entwine his body in Ryan’s.

“No, boy. Neither of us would make it downstairs and you know it. Now get.” The swat was a little harder this time, but still clearly in fun. 

Blade danced out of the way and galloped up the stairs. All was right in the world. Blade understood this part; he adored the tease and the swat. The other part, well, he’d have to live with it. He was Ryan’s boy after all.