Steve's Tale 5

Steve’s Tale

Chapter 5

“Did you get him settled?” Jer asked, slipping out of his coat and heading toward the coffee pot.

“No coffee. It’s late,” Josh said with automatic finality.

“I just spent three...” Jer looked at his watch. “No, correction four hours being bored to death while the president begged for money. I deserve coffee.”

“I already have one boy who’s not sleeping. I’m not dealing with two.”

“Party pooper.”

“Yep, that’s me.” Josh caught Jer’s belt and pulled him close for a quick kiss. “I’m too old for all this angst.”

“What happened?”

“Oh, just about everything,” Josh said with a tight smile. “Of course Milton did have a worse night. He had three out of control submissives. I only had to catch one; unless you have something planned I don’t know about.”

“Never,” Jer said, giving Josh his most wide-eyed innocent look.

“Now, why am I getting suspicious?” They both laughed. Josh pulled out a chair. “I do have a small matter we need to discuss.” Josh’s voice took on a new seriousness.

Jer sat, a slight concern showing in his dark eyes and the set of his shoulders. “I haven’t done anything.”

“This is partly my fault. I would have told you earlier if I’d been thinking clearly, but Steve has us all a little out of balance. Milton found Steve in your office tonight.”

“Yes,” Jer said warily.

“It was after five. The building was locked. He has a keycard from you.” Josh said, not phrasing it as a question. 

“My spare. I have a couple of extras because I’m always misplacing them.” Jer shrugged and looked down at the table.

“I guess we have your key thing less under control than I thought,” Josh said with a grimace. Jer, for being absolutely brilliant about equations that Josh couldn’t even recognize the variables, could lose keys, gloves, and umbrellas as if they were falling into one of those singularities he studied. “How many keycards do you have for your office?”

“Four.”

“Are they all masters for the building?”

“They don’t open individual offices, but all the labs and classrooms.”

“Are students allowed to have them?”

“No, but you knew to tell Milton to look for Steve in my office. You must have known I gave him a keycard.”

“I did.” Josh ran his fingers through his silver hair. “I wasn’t thinking about it being a building master. You’re a dean; you can’t willfully violate college policy.”

“Steve needs a place where he can go, where he feels safe.”

“I know,” Josh said softly. “I’m not saying he can’t have a key to your office. I’m saying he can’t have a master.”

“How do I explain that I need to recode a student card for admittance for my office?”

“Appoint him as your student assistant. It’s not like your office doesn’t need filing and tidying. You’re a clever man. I’m sure you’ll think of something, but I want that keycard back in your possession tomorrow morning.”

“Are you going to punish me?”

“Do I need to?” Josh could hear the weariness in his own voice. Steve’s troubles were starting to bleed over into everyone’s life.

“We have rules about misplacing things,” Jer said, chewing on his lower lip and suddenly looking very vulnerable and very young despite the gray in his hair and the lines on his face.

Josh scooted his chair closer and dropped a reassuring hand on Jer’s knee. “You gave it to Steve; you didn’t misplace it. I don’t typically interfere with what goes on in your workplace.”

“I can’t find one of my keycards, and I’m using my spare car keys,” Jer admitted, fiddling with the placemat on the table. 

Josh suppressed a groan. “I haven’t been paying attention.”

“Steve has been distracting.”

“You’re my partner; my first duty is to you.”

“I’m a big boy. I should be able to find my car keys without your help.”

“Jer, my poor neglected boy.” Josh ran his hand down the once smooth cheek, feeling the lines and crevices under his fingers. “In this relationship, we agree that I help you find your keys. I’ve not been paying enough attention. I’m sorry.”

“I should have told you,” Jer said with a slight smile. “I’ve been using your distraction to my advantage.”

“Is there anything else you want to confess?” This time Josh didn’t suppress his groan. They were on familiar territory now. Tonight was going to end with a spanking. They both knew the dance.

“No, I don’t think so. Oh, Tilden had to break into my car with a coat hanger. For such a sweet boy, he knows some unusual skills.”

“And where did Tilden use the coat hanger trick?”

“The dry cleaner’s. I locked my keys in the car.”

“We keep an extra set in the drawer.”

“That was the extra set.”

“And you haven’t found your original set?”

Jer looked down at the placemat, trying to braid the fringe with his big fingers. He shook his head.

“I see you’re taking communication lessons from Steve,” Josh said dryly. “We’ve done this before. I’ll put the pegboard back in the kitchen, and we’ll keep all the keys on it. You ask me for what keys you need each day.”

Jer looked up, a flash of horror showed across his face for an instant before he averted his eyes again.

“You know this helps,” Josh said and squeezed Jer’s knee.

“But Steve’s here...”

“And he hasn’t seen me treat you like a wayward submissive. He knows you’re my submissive. He’ll not think any less of you, and maybe it will help. A relationship with me won’t seem so magical if I’m still organizing your keys how many years later?”

“Too many,” Jer practically whined. “You’re going to spank me?”

“It is part of the deal. We’ll go down in the basement; I don’t want Steve to hear. He’s not ready for that.”

“Is he sleeping?”

“Like a baby. Milton was good with him. He always is. Any top who can refrain from throttling Sheldon on a regular basis is a saint.”

“I take it Sheldon was the instigator.”

“We’ll talk about it after we take care of our business.” Josh stood up and held out his hand. Slowly Jer reached out and grasped his partner’s hand. They’d done this thousands of times, but Jer could still look as pitiful as the first, his large brown eyes bright with unshed tears, his lower lip quivering.

“I hate this.”

Josh pulled Jer close and kissed his cheek. “It will be OK, my boy. You know how to prevent this; you don’t break our rules. And you don't truly hate it, or we wouldn't be here.”

Jer nodded and a lone tear tracked down his face.

Jer was rarely in enough trouble to warrant a spanking. He didn't need it or want it often, not like the early days where spare weekend moments were spent replacing kicked baseboards and marred paint from a cornered submissive. Jer wouldn’t be in trouble today if Josh had been paying closer attention. He could tell when Jer was under stress before he had to collect umbrellas all over town. He hadn’t asked about lost gloves, hats, and umbrellas. “Do we need to buy any new gloves, galoshes or other winter sundries?”

“I lost my scarf--my favorite.”

Josh swatted Jer’s hip with his free hand. “You should have told me when I asked if there was anything else.”

“I forgot,” Jer said in an impossibly small voice for such a large man.

Josh shook his head. “Do I need to count the gloves?”

“No, I’ve got them all. There’s one in my coat pocket, but I’m sure the other one’s in my office.”

“Which will take a Herculean task to find. We’ll find them tomorrow.”

The basement sofa was broad, worn, and slightly rickety. They’d kept it because they both felt a silly nostalgia for the first furniture they’d purchased. It turned into a reasonably comfortable sleeper, despite the dated look of the brown plaid upholstery. Josh sat down, freeing Jer’s hand.

“When you’re ready.” It would take Jer a minute, but after shuffling his feet and fumbling with his buttons, he infinitely preferred putting himself over Josh’s knee rather than Josh guiding him over. It allowed him a small amount of control in what was a very undignified and helpless position. Josh shifted as Jer’s weight settled over his thighs. “Why are we doing this?”

Josh waited through the silence. It always took a minute before Jer resigned himself to the inevitable. Watching the clock, Josh landed a single swat on the flawless buttocks when the minute hand swept back to the twelve.

“Why are we doing this?” Josh repeated.

“I’m starting to lose things again,” Jer muttered.

“What does that mean?” Josh asked, rubbing Jer’s broad back.

“That I’m stressed, and I need to be taken down.”

“Steve is hard for us both. We have to talk to each other.” With that, Josh landed a series of hard swats all across Jer’s buttock from just below the waist to the top of the thighs. It didn’t take much for Jer to start to twist and writhe across Josh’s lap. Tears took longer. For all his years in this relationship, Jer still didn’t cry freely or easily. Josh felt more than heard the start of tears and landed a half dozen more swats before pulling Jer up to lie beside him on the sofa. Josh slowly stroked Jer’s back and waited. Jer would talk when he was ready.

“Sorry,” Jer said when he had his tears under control.

“I know, and it’s fine now. I’m not angry.” Josh had said the same thing for three decades following a spanking. To his ears it sounded trite, but it worked. Even after all these years, Jer still wanted reassurances that all was right between them. “We’ve done this before. I’ll organize you a bit more, and all will be hunky-dory.”

“No one says hunky-dory anymore,” Jer said struggling to sit up with most of his weight on one hip, his head still heavy against Josh’s chest.

“Don’t I know,” Josh said, hearing the weariness in his voice.

“It’s Steve, isn’t it?” Jer snuggled closer.

“He’s so lost. That boy’s been spanked nearly every day. That can’t be good.”

“Sheldon frequently gets spanked every day.”

“That boy’s insane. He provoked Steve into a fight.”

“That’s Sheldon,” Jer said with a smile. “He must have a nerveless butt.” Jer rubbed his butt. “That hurt today. You’ve develop some real wrist action.”

“It’s all the practice I’m getting with Steve.”

“Is he OK?”

“As OK as he’s going to be until he gets a partner.”

“He belongs here.”

Josh kissed the graying tight curls. “I know you want him happy and so do I. He’ll be entering the work force when we’re retiring. Even if we both beat the bell curve he’ll be alone in his forties. How many places are there for forty-year-old subs?”

“Isn’t twenty years of happiness better than none?”

“I hope it’s a question that he’ll never have to find the answer.” Josh tightened his arm around Jer. “I could love that boy, but would it be fair to him or to you. Can I give him everything he needs? The mentoring part is easy, but what if he wants a different style of relationship? I'm not good at dress up games or whips and chains.”

“I already love him, and you're capable of different roles. I like it this way. You understood Timmy; you are a very capable dominant.” 

Josh ran his finger down Jer’s face, bent down and let their lips touch, and with the familiarity of a long time lover deepened the kiss. “Do you want to share this? You would be sharing me as a lover, not only as a mentor top, and can I share you? You’re my boy,” Josh said with a fierce possessiveness.

“Tilden makes it work.”

“He’s younger and more energetic.” Josh fingered his own hair. “He doesn’t have this yet.”

“He will. Those two aren’t always easy.”

“His lifestyle’s different than ours. We’re Green Mountain Boys, but we don’t live in the type of community Tilden lives in. We don’t have a bunch of other guys to back us up if we need it.”

“We also don’t have Sheldon,” Jer said. “He alone needs a brood of tops.”

“Milton keeps his boy well in hand. Poor kid, he was pretty upset tonight. He hadn’t meant to make Steve rabbit. He feels Steve’s distress, and wanted Milton to make it better.”

Jer snorted. “He needs to find a better way to communicate. He’s going to have a lot of responsibility soon.”

“He’s scared to death about it. I’m glad I’m not Milton. Sheldon on his own is difficult; Sheldon sharing attention with his brother and with Milton’s Green Mountain Boy duties is in continual spin.”

“What did Milton do with him?” Jer’s voice softened with concern for Sheldon.

“You know he won’t kill him.” Josh dropped a kiss on Jer’s forehead. “They’ve been doing this a long time.”

“He didn’t belt him?”

“I don’t know. I left with Steve, but I doubt it. Sheldon doesn’t handle the belt, and Milton’s creative enough to figure out something.”

“I hope.” Jer snuggled closer to Josh, looking for comfort. After a moment he asked, “What about Steve? He won’t be OK until he has a top.”

“I know,” Josh said, rubbing Jer’s neck as much for his comfort as his partner’s.

“He loves you.”

“He thinks he does. Have you finished the book Milton gave us?”

“No, but Karl and Harry love each other. They have a generation between them.”

“Karl is telling the story as he’s sitting by his lover’s grave. He’s watching the horses graze in the field, tears running down his cheeks, when a boy, dressed in rags and clutching a puppy on a string, comes limping down the drive. It’s obvious that Karl is going to take Harry’s role and mentor and love the boy, but our Steve is a submissive. He’s not going to develop into a top, and he hasn't fully explored his submissive side. Is it fair to trap him in a mentor relationship? Is it fair to leave hm with both are graves to tend?”

“At least they had some happiness.”

“Jer.” Josh rubbed his thumb against Jer’s neck. “Give it time. Steve needs to meet the right top.”

“What if you are the right top?”

“If I am, we’ll become a threesome, but I don’t think I am. He needs to see the world, to see what else is out there. That's why Milton gave him the book. He wanted Steve to understand the difference between mentoring and a full submissive relationship. Karl never finds it with Harry. They love each other, but it always feels overshadowed by the guidance. It's almost parental. The reader is left hoping that Karl finds more with the new boy.”

Jer was quiet a moment, clearly deep in thought. “What about Simon and Miles?”

“What about them?” Josh had thought he knew Simon. He’d been the one to suggest Simon as a mentor for young Miles. The next thing he knew the two of them were getting married. Simon never told Gordon; he'd just disappeared from the ranks of the Green Mountain Boys. In fact, Josh hadn’t spoken to Simon for years except that night when he picked Steve up at The Whispering Horsemen.”

“They’ve bought a house nearby.”

“Did he help hot wire your car or something when you lost your keys?”

“No,” Jer said indignantly. “Simon fell in love with the top he was mentoring; he didn’t murder someone.”

“Great. What does this have to do with Steve?”

“They ask about Steve every time I see them. I think they were smitten.”

“They saw him once when he was spinning. How could they possibly know?”

“Hey, don’t jump down my throat. You’re the one who wants to push Steve off onto another top.”

“I don’t want to push him off. I want him to find someone to love.”

“Well, he might love them.”

Josh made a face.

“I know you’re a stickler about following the rules, but Simon is a good top. He has the experience, and Miles is close to Steve’s age, only a few years older,” Jer said with more animation. “How many young tops could really handle Steve? Miles would have Simon for backup.”

 “I thought you wanted to keep him,” Josh said slowly.

“You’re dead set against it, and I can’t think of a better solution. They’re both decent looking.” Josh held up his hand. “I know you hate Miles’s hair and body piercings, but he’s young, and it’s in fashion.”

“Steve will be in a world of trouble if he pierces anything,” Josh growled.

“He knows. I told him an earring wasn’t worth the caning.”

“Idiot boy! He won’t want an earring when he’s fifty.”

“He can always take it out. It’s not a tattoo.”

“He doesn’t have any tattoos?” Josh asked, alarmed. He didn’t see Steve undressed. Steve could hide a tattoo.

“No, I told him I’d tell you.”

“At least you have some sense.” Josh smiled to make sure Jer knew he was teasing.

“More like self-preservation. You’d kill us both.”

“I wouldn’t kill you, but it would be months before you could sit without wincing.”

“You are so old-fashioned.”

Josh tried to smile, but he knew it was tinged with sadness. He wasn’t just old-fashioned; he was old. They were both old, and Steve was so young. He could love that boy. He already loved that boy, but it wasn’t fair. Steve needed someone who understood game systems, instant messaging, jewelry, and even tattoos. He needed someone to grow into his submissiveness, not where he'd be trapped in a pseudo-mentoring relationship. “Let’s get our old-fashioned bones upstairs. It’s late, and I don’t want Steve to wake and not be able to find us.”

“Will you call Simon?”

“Yes.” Simon had been a good top. Maybe had wasn’t right? He hadn’t stopped being a top because he fell in love with the boy he was mentoring. Josh knew how easy that was. All he had to do was look at Steve and his heart broke. Two tops--could that work for Steve? The boy needed firmness and consistency. Could two tops do that, and was Miles even capable of topping? Josh had met the boy several times before the mentorship had fallen apart; his instincts had seemed good, but Simon had fallen in love with him. Was he now Simon’s boy or permanently stuck in some kind of limbo as a trainee top? This speculation was ridiculous. They probably wouldn’t like each other. Steve had met every new top with a scowl and a duck behind Josh. Why would this be any different?

They climbed the basement stairs slowly, Jer leaning against Josh, and Josh grasping the handrail. In the kitchen, Jer pulled out the junk drawer and pawed around until he pulled out a crumpled business card.

“They should still be at the bar.”

Josh took the card, fingering it slowly. This wasn’t a call he wanted to make. What did he say to Simon? They hadn’t parted on good terms. They’d been civil when Josh had picked up the boys after that fateful night, but they were both good enough tops to put their differences aside to protect distressed boys, and those boys had been distressed.

Josh punched in the numbers and listened to the clicks and then the ringing. Three rings, four rings, still no answer.

An out of breath voice picked up. “Hello.”

“Is this The Whispering Horsemen?” Josh asked with cool professionalism. He could hear loud metallic music in the background. 

“Yeah, what do you want?”

Josh gritted his teeth and refrained from lecturing the young man on his telephone manners. “Is Simon there?”

“Who?”

“Simon Waverly, the owner?”

“Uh, I think so.”

“Young man, could you possibly put someone on the phone who is more informative?” Josh heard a clatter as the phone must have been dropped on the counter and then a muffled holler for Simon.

“Hello, may I help you,” said a smooth and distant voice.

“Simon?” Josh hazarded a guess. It had been a few years, but the inflection sounded like him.

“You’re one up on me. With whom am I speaking?”

“It’s Josh, Josh Martin.”

“You’re not missing a young man again?”

“No, he’s asleep upstairs, but I’m calling about him.” Josh hesitated. He was a top, but he had no skill in matchmaking.

“Josh, spit it out,” Simon said after the silence stretched to more than a minute.

“Jer says you’ve asked about Steve.”

“Yes, Miles and I ran into your partner at the grocery store. Miles actually ran the shopping cart over Jer’s toe because he was trying to text someone and choose celery at the same time.” Simon chuckled. “Fortunately Jer’s big feet were no worse for the wear.”

“I thought that boy was a top,” Josh growled.

“He is, but he’s young and a techie. He can’t function if he doesn’t have some gadget in his hand, but you didn’t call to chat about Miles. You made it very clear to me what you thought about our relationship.”

Josh took a deep breath and tightened his grip on the phone. “You two are still together. Maybe I was too hasty in my judgment.”

“An apology from a senior top, or close enough. I’m sure you’d make a submissive use better form.”

“Simon, don’t push it.”

“Josh, I know I wasn’t kosher about the whole thing, but we were and are very much in love, and you and your buddies were a solid wall.”

“Gordon isn’t the most flexible man on the planet.”

“That’s an understatement,” Simon said dryly.

“You should have told us before it was a done deal,” Josh said softly and in the tone that would make any sub freeze.

“I get that,” Simon said, a creep of irritation had entered his voice. “You didn’t call to rehash past wrongs. What do you need?” 

“It’s Steve.”

“You know that boy’s in love with you?” Simon said with an easy breeziness as if young college freshman were always on the arm of men entering their sixth decade.

“He thinks he is,” Josh deflected.

“And you have it bad for him.”

“Simon,” Josh barked in a tone that caused Jer to raise an eyebrow.

“Sorry,” Simon said but didn’t sound contrite. “The kid’s a looker, and from what I could tell a very interesting submissive. He’d be right up Miles and my alley if he wasn’t already spoken for.”

Josh fought to keep his voice steady and control the flush that was threatening to rise up his cheeks. Was it that obvious to another top? “Steve is not romantically involved with either of us,” Josh said with controlled calm. “That’s why I’m calling. It’s time for us to start to look for a top for Steve.” Josh hesitated. “Jer said you had an interest.”

“The boy’s interesting, but I’m not going to be used as some sort of bait to draw the boy away from you, and I sure as hell won’t let Miles be used that way,” Simon said, the anger unshielded in his voice.

“Simon,” Josh said suddenly both weary and angry. “You may think I was a first class ass by the way we treated you and Miles, but you brought a lot of that on yourself, sneaking around like two teenagers. I would not ever consider what you just suggested. It’s despicable. This was a bad idea. Forget I ever called.”

“Josh, wait. I was out of line. You wouldn’t hurt anyone but yourself that deliberately.”

“Apology accepted,” Josh said formally.

“You do love that kid,” Simon said with awe in his voice. “Why don’t you keep him?”

“It wouldn’t be right. He needs to know what’s out there.”

“All right we’ll meet with the kid, but if he’s as madly in love with you as it sounds, I’ll push him right back. Miles and I would like to have a sub, but I’m not going to have him chasing a boy whose heart is set on someone else.”

“Fair enough,” Josh said with a sigh. “Can you come by tomorrow morning?”

That’s quick.”

“Jer and I have some unfinished business, and I’d like Steve out of the house.”

“Nine thirty?”

“Good and, Simon, I do understand about Miles, and I’m glad you’re happy together. Gordon does listen to Milton. I’ll make sure he puts a good word in for you.”

“I won’t hold my breath. See you tomorrow.” The phone was hung up with a clatter.

Jer looped his arm around Josh’s waist. “That sounded rough.”

 Josh leaned against Jer for a moment, unashamedly taking comfort. “I love that boy upstairs. I keep telling myself I love him enough to let him go.”

“You know I’m not the jealous type,” Jer said softly.

 Josh kissed Jer’s forehead before dropping lower and kissing his lips with the easy fit of two long term lovers. “I know,” he said, sliding his thumb down Jer’s cheek and capturing the slight wetness there. “This isn’t Cinderella. His princes are old with bad knees and take high blood pressure medication. He deserves a chance to be really happy.”

“And you think we’re only a stopping point on the way to this happiness,” Jer finished the sentence. “That might be as big a fantasy as Cinderella.”

“It might,” Josh said, his lips crinkling into a soft, sad smile. “But we have a responsibility to give it a try.”

“I know,” Jer stroked his thick fingers through Josh’s hair. “You always do the right thing; I sometimes wish you weren’t so upstanding.”

“We both are, and you know it. Always by the book.” Josh kissed Jer’s forehead before turning his lover toward the stairs. “Let’s get our old, upstanding selves up the stairs, or we’ll look old and bedraggled in the morning.

*******

Josh slid out of bed, careful not to disturb Jer who was still snoring softly. The clock showed a little after six, and it was still dark with only the gray shadows from the distant street lamps. From long practice, Josh found his robe and slippers in the darkness.

Surprisingly the television flickered in the living room. Steve was curled up on the sofa, a blanket from his bed half over him, his face pale compared to the garish colors of the cartoon on the screen.

“You’re up early?” Josh tried to keep his voice neutral and upbeat. Typically he had to drag Steve out of bed if it were before eleven. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” Steve said with a shrug. “I went to bed too early.”

That had never stopped the late morning sleeping before. Josh sat down on the sofa and bundled Steve into his lap, tucking the blanket around his bare feet. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

“I made an ass of myself yesterday.”

“Steve,” Josh said sharply, trying to prevent his young charge from spiraling off into a nasty, self-critical diatribe.

“I ran away from Milton. I got Sheldon in trouble.”

“Milton took care of the running away part, and Sheldon got himself in trouble. He will live. Milton hasn’t killed that boy yet.”

“Milton was so nice to me.”

“He usually is. He wasn’t the big, scary ogre you thought he was,” Josh said gently and smoothed Steve’s tangled hair. 

“I treated him like a serial killer.”

“Hardly.” Josh chuckled. “Milton is knee deep over there in temperamental submissives. He’s not fragile, and he gets it. You know he’s not upset with you?”

“He should be,” Steve said his voice bitter with self-recrimination. “I was horrible.”

“Hey.” Josh landed a light slap on Steve’s thigh. “You don’t talk about yourself that way. You were upset last night. We can handle that. We can do upset, and Milton can do rivers of tears to plate throwing fury. He’s very versatile, not that I recommend the plate throwing.” Josh brushed Steve’s hair back and kissed his forehead.

“Milton was sweet last night,” Steve said in a small voice.

“I wouldn’t leave you with someone who wasn’t,” Josh said with an easy jocularity that he didn’t feel. He’d put Steve in a situation that had truly frightened him. The boy needed more confidence with other tops but... He hated setting up a kid that way, and that’s what yesterday felt like. “I’m not going to feed you to the lions.” 

“Milton can be scary.”

“Mmm,” Josh said noncommittally.

“He’s always so stern.”

“Was he scary last night?”

“No,” Steve said hesitantly. “But it wasn’t you.”

And you feel safer with me, don’t you kid? I could have caned you, and you would have preferred that to Milton spanking you very gently. “What did he do?”

“He talked. He talked a lot--as much as you do. He gave me a safe word,” Steve said, sounding surprised. “You don’t do that.”

“I know your reactions. Milton wanted to make sure you were safe.”

“He was nice,” Steve said, still sounding like he couldn’t believe it.

 And it surprises you. You imagined an ogre, and he was just a top.

“He didn’t spank me nearly as hard as you would have.”

Josh smiled softly and kissed Steve’s hair. “It’s not about how hard it is; it’s about getting the message across. Milton did make it clear that you don’t run away, and you don’t fight?”

“Yes, sir.” Steve burrowed against Josh’s robe. “He was really mad at Sheldon.”

“Are you worried about Sheldon?” Josh ruffled Steve’s hair.

Steve made a half shrugging motion with his shoulders. “I think he was upset that I was afraid of Milton. Milton is his partner. I wasn’t very nice to him.”

“I think you’ve very perceptive.” Josh ruffled Steve’s hair again. “Milton knows Sheldon, and he knows exactly why you two were rolling around on the floor, but if you’re concerned, I’ll talk to him. He won’t kill his boy.”

“He’ll be harsher than he was with me.”

“Does Sheldon look afraid of Milton?”

“No,” Steve said after a moment. “He baits Milton.”

“Yes, he does.”

“Why? I don’t like getting spanked.”

“All subs are different.” Josh turned Steve so he could look at the young man’s face. “Sheldon needs the physical reassurance that Milton’s still there. Some of it is also play. They both tease each other.”

“I don’t want to play that way,” Steve said his eyes wide. “I don’t like getting spanked.”

“I know you don’t, but you do like the boundaries, don’t you?”

Steve looked at Josh but didn’t speak.

“Still hard to talk about and admit, huh?” Josh put his hand under Steve’s chin and tilted his head up so their eyes met. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but you like the lines drawn bold and dark. You’re much happier when I’m not wishy-washy. Now I expect Mace would pitch a fit and back out of the deal with a boatload of rules, and Sheldon needs two boatloads, and I don’t want to even imagine dealing with Blade. That boy needs chains.”

“He threw something at Milton yesterday. I heard glass breaking.”

“It sounds like Milton earned his keep yesterday. Blade was tossing dishes; you and Sheldon were rolling around on the floor punching each other, and you went running around campus with no coat. A relaxing evening.”

Steve flushed and ducked his head into Josh’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I made his day worse.”

Josh untangled the arms that were wrapped around his neck, pushed Steve to arm’s length, and gave him a reassuring smile. “Kiddo, if you’re even one micron less terrified of Milton; he’ll think it was worth it. He considers you family, and he doesn’t like his family petrified.”

Steve looked perplexed.

“Sweetie.” Josh stroked his hand through Steve’s hair. “You’re living with Jer and me, but your family is much larger. We all want you happy. Milton wasn’t looking after you on sufferance; he loves you. Even those impossible Zath boys love you in their own way. Do you understand?”

Steve nodded and a single tear tracked down his cheek.

“Don’t cry. You’re not in trouble.”

“I was glad last night Sheldon was going to be in trouble,” Steve mumbled.

“That’s OK. There are times I’m more than glad Milton’s grabbed that boy and is dragging him off somewhere by his collar. He can get on my nerves; I’m sure he can drive you wild. It’s part of his charm, but I sometimes wish he would just put a sock in it. Usually about that time, Milton quietly threatens to kill him, and peace reigns again for a few hours.”

“What do you think Milton did to Sheldon?”

“If I know Milton, he’ll be over this morning with Sheldon. You can ask Sheldon? He’s not shy about talking about it. You can find out everything in Technicolor detail.” Josh tousled Steve’s hair. “I think maybe there are a few things you should say to them also.”

“Like I’m sorry,” Steve mumbled.

“That’s a good place to start. Now run upstairs and get showered.” Josh gave Steve a gentle push toward the stairs. “Decent sweater. Some friends are taking you out today.”

“What?” Steve asked, pausing with his foot on the first step.

“Do you remember Simon from The Whispering Horsemen? He and Miles recently moved into the area.”

“Miles? Is he a sub?”

“No, they’re both tops. It’s complicated,” Josh continued before Steve had a chance to ask. “It will give you something to talk about. Shower. Now.” Josh pointed up the stairs. Don’t give Steve time to think. Short and simple. Reassuring directness.

Steve nodded at the simple orders and trotted up the stairs.

The kitchen was quiet with the start of dawn showing in the faint light shining through the windows. Josh flipped on the lights, rummaged in the refrigerator, and organized the colorful bowls for making French toast. It was something they all liked, and Josh wanted something to do. He had two freshly spanked subs this morning. Jer would be fine, fine about the spanking. Steve walking out the door this morning with Simon and Miles, that was different. Josh cracked eggs and stirred with excess vigor, sending flecks of yellow yolk onto the counter. Steve felt so right in his arms, his soft hair fanning out across his chest. Dirty old man, he berated himself. He’d promised he wouldn’t push that boy to the lions, but wasn’t that what he was doing? Throwing him at every top within one hundred miles. Josh tossed the bread in the mixture, sat down at the kitchen table, and flipped open the slim volume on the table.

**********

I could see the mares and foals in the far pasture. This had always been Harry’s favorite time. The foals were big enough to run and cavort with each other, poking their fine muzzles into the lush clover, skittering at the edge of the creek with their overly long legs, and poking their necks through the fence to try to discover the world outside their nursery pastures. We’d start the three-year-olds in work, all the promise and future still in front of them. Even the sedate older guys would have a spring in their step and a gleam in their eyes as if to remind us all they were still special. 

I stood, the long grass snapping back into place and almost hiding the simple stone. The horses need me. Harry had trained me well. Those that depended on me came first. I shaded my eyes from the morning sun. George was bringing in the colts. He had them tangled together in a dangerous mass. I’d have to speak to him again. My eye caught a movement in the far lane. Had one of the old-timers found the heart of a two-year-old and jumped the fence? I squinted to get a better view. A horse and a boy took shape as they came closer. Even from this distance, something caught my attention, and I scrambled down the path for a better view. The horse was tall, rangy, and much too thin.  Even in his poor condition, he’d raised his tail and snorted at the sight of the other horses. The boy, hanging gamely onto the lead rope, looked little better. Dark curls were matted to his head, and his bare toes squished in the mud of the path.

“Steady there,” I called to the horse and the boy.

“Sir.” The boy shrank back as if try to hide himself within the chestnut’s dull coat. A puppy, which I hadn’t noticed in the high grass, yapped valiantly at me from a place of safety.

“Easy,” I said in a practiced tone of calm. Harry had taught me that, always with a soft voice and a gentle smile. I jerked my head toward the barn. “Follow me. We’ll find a meal for the three of you.” I headed down the drive, confidant the boy would follow me.

*************

“French toast. I love French toast.”

“Sometimes my boys need spoiling.” Josh flipped the book shut and stood up. “Is Jer stirring?”

“Yeah, I heard him in the bathroom. Did Jer get in trouble last night?”

“A little,” Jer said from the head of the stairs. “And I’m fine.”

Steve looked guilt ridden and dove into the refrigerator for juice.

“Steve,” Josh said, trying to find the right tone between reassurance and sternness. “Jer and I had a discussion about a long term issue we work on together. You did not cause him to get in trouble.”

“I lost my keys, gloves, scarves, and who knows what else. Josh tends to get a little hot about those kind of things. It’s one of his fault,” Jer said with an easy grin. He pulled Steve into a rough hug. “Pour me some juice while you’re at it. Do you want bacon or sausage?”

“Bacon.” Steve studied Jer as if searching for a chink in Jer’s good humor.

“Honey,” Jer said, dropping a heavy hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Josh and I have been doing this for a long time. I truly am fine. Well, I have to find and organize all the stuff today, and that’s not my idea of grand way to spend the morning, but it won’t kill me.”

“You’re never in trouble.” Steve leaned into the comfort of Jer’s arm.

“We keep it discreet, but you know Josh keeps me organized. You see the hints to go to bed or not forget my coat. When I was younger, it took a little more than a hint, and I still occasionally fall off the bandwagon. Josh reminds me. Meanie that he is.” Jer shot him a glare and then smiled. “I forgive him.”

“Bacon, Jer. Now that you’re done insulting me,” Josh said easily. “See if I ever make French toast again.”

“Oh, my wondrous top, I am ever so grateful for French toast.”

“Jer, you overgrown brat.” Josh caught Steve’s wrist and pulled him close. “We’re teasing each other here. It’s something you’ll do someday with your own top; don’t look so worried. Go set the table.”

Steve nodded and moved promptly to the drawer and pulled out the frayed red placemats. They had been washed to almost a dusky pink.

“We need new ones,” Josh said. 

“You’ve been saying that for two years,” Jer said, dropping the bacon into the waiting skillet. “You’re the big bad top; go to the store and buy some.”

“I hate kitchen stores. They always asked what color my wife’s kitchen is.”

“Tell them your husband’s kitchen is red,” Jer said. 

“You go buy them. I buy the plumbing and the hardware; you can buy the kitchen stuff.”

“Cheat,” Jer said without heat. “They expect the men in the hardware store.” Jer pushed the bacon around with a fork. “Maybe I’ll get pink with big yellow flowers.”

“Don’t you dare,” Josh replied. 

Jer kissed the back of Josh’s neck as they worked together at the stove. “I’ll occasionally brat, but I can't brat enough for the pink and yellow flowers. That’s more Sheldon’s style.” Jer dropped his voice to a whisper. “Have you heard from Milton or Sheldon this morning? Is he OK?”

“You know he’s fine. Milton’s good with that rapscallion.”

Jer nodded and concentrated on the bacon. “Is Steve fine?”

“I wish I knew,” Josh said softly, his eyes following the young man as he laid out the silverware in the dining room where they ate weekend breakfasts. “Am I doing the right thing trying to push him toward another top?”

“Steve’s reactive. We’ll know...” They both fell silent as Steve came back in the kitchen.

Josh covertly studied his boys at breakfast. Jer was trying too hard to make easy conversation, to distract both himself from the impending search for missing keys and Steve from his company. Steve was smiling, but it wasn’t reaching his eyes, and his laugh was hard and brittle. Josh concentrated on mopping up the last of his syrup. He didn’t have any easy solutions, no top to the rescue. All he could offer was his quiet support.

Josh was almost relieved when he heard the tinkle of the door bell. It had to be Milton and Sheldon, not guests that Josh would usually greet with enthusiasm at this time in the morning, but for all of Sheldon’s insanity and sometimes downright rudeness, he was probably the only one who could put Steve more at ease. He’d shared last night’s debacle, and he knew Simon and Miles. Josh thought Sheldon had even found himself over Simon’s knee once or twice, but Sheldon found himself over most tops’ knees, so that wasn’t news.

“Good morning,” Josh said, ushering them into the house.

Milton nodded a quiet greeting and kept a firm arm around Sheldon who looked subdued with his eyes planted on the floor.

“Sheldon,” Josh said warmly with as much reassurance as he could put in his voice. “We talked last night. You’re good with me.”

“I didn’t mean to make Steve run.” Sheldon glanced up; his eyes were red and puffy. For all of Sheldon’s experience, this was a freshly spanked and fragile boy this morning.

Josh kissed the top of Sheldon’s head. “Steve’s a big boy. He ran out of the house last night on his own two feet, and I know he wasn’t being very nice about you or your partner. Maybe you weren’t the most tactful, but tact was never your middle name. I’m not mad; I never was.” Josh kissed Sheldon’s head again and felt the boy relax against him.

Milton mouthed, “Thank you,” over Sheldon’s head.

“Do you want French toast?” Josh asked, already herding them toward the dining room. “We made too much.” Sheldon loved French toast. Josh had been in Vermont when Milton had been out of the country doing research, and Sheldon had come apart in all directions. Gordon had served French toast at practically every possible meal. It was about the only thing he could get down the boy. Now they laughed and teased Sheldon about his all out bratting, but the boy was sensitive and truly tightly wired. Milton had given him an outlet to manage his moods and temper with approved brat behavior, and while Sheldon still sometimes missed the mark, he wasn’t the young kid who caused everybody to wince when Milton first showed up with him. 

“You know he’ll want French toast,” Milton said. 

“He made me have cereal this morning,” Sheldon said, a touch of his usual cheek resurfacing.

“I don’t think he ate it; he turned it into a soggy mass.” Milton said, squeezing his partner’s shoulder. He didn’t have to say that Sheldon hadn’t eaten because he was upset. Josh knew.

“Do you want some?” Josh asked Milton.

“No, I ate this morning.”

“Steve, take Sheldon in the kitchen and make him some breakfast. I expect you want more also.”

Sheldon gave Josh a small, grateful smile. The dining room chairs were hard, and he looked in no condition to sit on them

*******

Steve glanced at Sheldon who was leaning against the counter, his eyes still down on the floor. Steve licked his lips and swallowed the little spit that was in his mouth. “I’m sorry about last night.” 

“Yeah, me too. Are you OK?”

“Milton was nice to me.”

“He usually is,” Sheldon said with a faint smile. “I live with him, and I’m not battered.”

Steve wanted to ask what Milton had done to him, but somehow it didn’t seem right. Being spanked was private.

“I’m not shy about talking about it,” Sheldon said with a hint of his usual grin. “Milton clobbered me last night with the paddle for fighting, and I’m on a daily spanking until I get my head on straight. Think before you act or something.”

Steve couldn’t keep the horror of the idea of a daily spanking from showing on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, kid. Flip the French toast before you burn it.”

“Ugh, sorry. It’s a little black.”

“Nah, it’s OK. I’m not picky. If they smell smoke, we’ll have the tops in here, and I really don’t want to deal with Milton if he thinks I’m not being appropriately nice to you.” Sheldon rolled his eyes. “I’d prefer not to get bent over his knee and spanked again.”

“How long is he spanking you every day?”

“He said indefinitely. Gordon spanked me twice a day for three weeks. That was awful.” Sheldon made a face. “I thought I was never going to sit down comfortably, and Gordon wasn’t nice about sending me into the kitchen or some place where I could stand to eat. You bloody well sat still in the chair or you knelt. It was the longest three weeks of my life.”

“What had you done?”

“Can you make some more?” Sheldon asked, sopping up syrup with a large bite.

“Sure.”

“Don’t look so petrified. No one will spank you twice a day for three weeks. You’re not the type. Milton was away, and I was missing him.” Sheldon smiled ruefully. “It worked. I felt a lot better--safer. You do get the idea of safer?”

Steve swirled the bread through the batter. He did get it, but he didn’t want to talk about it. It was embarrassing when Josh made him feel safer with his millions of orders.

“Josh has you really tight right now. I can see that. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Josh will keep you safe.”

“He wants to push me off on another top,” Steve burst out.

“Keep your voice down if you don’t want the cavalry in here. So who’s he pushing you on?”

“Simon and Miles,” Steve said, wishing he hadn’t said anything.

“Oh, that should be interesting,” Sheldon said with a wide grin. “Simon’s on Milton and Gordon’s shit list.  You didn’t hear me swear. Milton’s death on bad language.”

Steve shook his head. “What did Simon do?”

“He took Miles as a partner when he was supposed to be mentoring him as a top. Gordon was fit to be tied. Simon’s going to have to do some groveling to get back in his good graces. Gordon’s pretty hard line about the whole mentoring thing.”

“What if I stay with Josh?”

“Shit! I’ve put my foot in it again. Don’t tell Milton.”

“I won’t,” Steve said, wondering what he wasn’t telling Milton.

“Josh has already run it by Milton and Gordon that he’s got a thing for you. You didn’t know that. You fool boy! Josh damn near melts when he looks at you. Get your head out of your ass.”

“Why does he keep pushing me away?” 

“Oh, come here.” Sheldon opened his arms and pulled Steve into a hug. “They’re tops. They have to analyze everything to death, and according to their calculations they think the age gap is too big. Josh is afraid he’s taking advantage of your naiveté. You know, he’s your first top. The first person you’ve ever really felt safe with. He wants you to play the field. He’s too upstanding to take advantage of you.”

“I want him.”

“Don’t we all know, kid. He’s sixty.”

“I don’t care.” Steve sniffed.

“Don’t you dare cry on me. I won’t survive the interrogation if they think I made you cry.” Sheldon tousled Steve’s hair and pushed him away. “Go have fun with Simon and Miles. Simon’s a good top, and Miles--well, he’s different. You’d never guess he’s a top by looking at him. Landon knew right away, but he has some kind of radar for those things. I think you’ll like both of them, and they’re both kind of cute. I could see you with two tops. You would keep them both hopping.”

Steve tried to smile. 

“They’re not Josh. We all get that.” Sheldon pushed his plate aside and studied Steve, his eyes surprisingly serious. “I love Tilden. He will always be there for me, but he’s not my partner. Josh will always love you. You won’t lose what you have with Josh, but you might gain something special. At least give it a try. If after you’ve tried, you end up with Josh and Jer then it was meant to be, but you won’t know until you’ve stepped out into world. It’s like ice cream if you only try vanilla and chocolate, you won’t know that you love rocky road or black raspberry chip.” Sheldon grinned. “That’s enough of my serious persona. I’ll ruin my reputation.”

“Thanks, Sheldon.”

“Anytime.”

“Sheldon, have you eaten them out of house and home?” Milton stood in the doorway, a mock frown on his face.

“I’ve just finished.”

Milton looked from Steve to Sheldon. “Is everything all right?”

“Yep,” Sheldon said with his usual sass. “Or it would be if I wasn’t too sore to sit down. Big mean top blistered my ass.” Sheldon winked at Steve and ducked Milton’s restraining arm before scampering into the dining room.

“I take it you two worked things out?” Milton asked, making no real effort to catch Sheldon.

“Yes, sir. I’m sorry about last night.”

“We did that last night,” Milton said softly and gently straightened Steve’s collar under his sweater. “You may not know it yet, but you are safe with any of us.”

“Thank you.” Steve let Milton pull him into a hug. He wasn’t Josh, but his arms were warm, and the affection was genuine.