Steve's Tale 11

Steve’s Tale

Chapter 11

“You doing OK?” Simon’s hand glided down Steve’s back before rubbing firmly on the junction of his shoulders and neck. “You didn’t eat much, and you’re stiff as a board.”

“Tired,” Steve said softly and draped himself across Simon’s broad chest.

“Are you worried about Miles?” Simon ran his fingers through Steve’s hair, brushing the slight waves off his forehead.

“Why doesn’t he like Josh?” Simon could hear the slight catch in Steve’s voice. Steve adored Josh that was clear, and Steve hadn’t been oblivious to the tension between Josh and Miles. They’d been trying to hide it, but obviously without success.

“I think they’re getting along a little better,” Simon said ambiguously. It was impossible that Steve wasn’t aware of the altercation that had taken place before dinner, but he was going to allow Steve to mention it rather than bringing it up himself. 

“Josh spanked him?” It was couched as a question, but Simon knew that it was more a request for an affirmation of information already known.

“Yes, does that bother you?” Simon kissed Steve’s forehead.

“He’s not a sub.”

“No, he’s not, but discipline isn’t only for subs. Do you think Miles has been nice to Josh?” Simon glanced over at Miles who seemed to be listening attentively and somewhat apprehensively to something Milton was saying. Simon could get the apprehension. Milton was intimidating, even Milton trying to be a nice guy was intimidating. He was so hard on the one side of the dynamic and so comfortable with his own dominance. Simon had met hard dominants before, but it had always seemed like an act or a show to him: a man afraid of his own nature or a man trying to hide something. Milton wasn’t afraid of himself; he wasn’t hiding behind a false show of strength. He’d conquered, mastered a force so strong that when Simon was captured in Milton’s steady gaze he could feel the light prickle of goose bumps. 

Milton raised an eyebrow in a silent gesture of inquiry. Simon nodded back and tried to muster a slight smile. Even though Milton had appeared completely absorbed with Miles, he’d noticed Simon watching him.

“All right?” Milton’s lips silently formed the two syllables.

Simon nodded again. He thought it was all right. Steve had burrowed against him and seemed disinclined to answer Simon’s earlier question about Miles and Josh. He was going to have to push here. Simon had never liked these introspective interrogations. David had always made him talk about issues that Simon would rather have left well buried. Why bring something front and center when quiet and inert it was hurting no one? Simon knew the answer, or at least he knew David’s answer. “Unspoken problems turn into festering abscesses.” David was a pathologist, and he had the most grotesque imagery. He could casually chat about all kinds of unspeakable dead parts while calmly devouring a bag of potato chips.

Simon brushed his hand through Steve’s hair, enjoying the soft texture. Simon had let things go too far with Miles. He knew Miles was struggling as a top, and he knew they couldn’t entirely protect Steve from the fallout of the struggle between Josh and Miles. Simon had taken the path of least resistance, and now the experienced tops were having to clean up his mess. He’d have to stick his neck out now. With two to take care of, he couldn’t remain passive, hoping the little problems wouldn’t fester into erupting volcanoes. He hadn’t even been able to face his own problems. He’d known he needed the Green Mountain Boys. They were his family; he couldn’t ignore them forever.

Simon tightened his arm around Steve, ostensibly to give Steve comfort but more for himself. He’d messed up; he’d messed up badly. He was the experienced top here. There was no excuse for his behavior. He had to face his responsibilities. He kissed Steve, savoring the soft sigh and the warm body snuggling closer. This was his boy, their boy; he could do this again. 

“Does it bother you that Josh spanked Miles?” Simon asked again. He couldn’t dodge this. He’d been dodging the world too long. Miles wouldn’t have ended up over Josh’s lap, a top whom Simon knew Miles didn’t particularly like, if Simon had been doing his job. Josh was old school, not unkind. Simon could tell that from Steve’s budding confidence. An unkind top didn’t have happy subs; Simon knew that. He’d experienced unkindness first hand, only he hadn’t been only a submissive but a combination sub and houseboy. “Steve, you need to answer.” Simon patted Steve’s thigh, not a swat, but hard enough to get Steve’s attention.

“Don’t know,” Steve whined.

“Does Josh let you get away with those kinds of answers?”

Steve shrugged.

“Steve, I wasn’t born yesterday. Talk to me.”

“Miles is a top. He shouldn’t be spanked, and Josh is my top. Tops don’t get spanked.”

Simon tried to make sense of the rapidly spoken disjointed phrases. He understood Steve’s confusion about Josh disciplining Miles. Steve hadn’t seen top training. The tops he knew were experienced. Josh and Milton were both senior tops, and even Tilden was mature and radiated a gentle confidence. Simon had trouble imagining anyone spanking Tilden. It would be like waking up and finding the sky orange and the trees purple--unthinkable. To Steve tops came out of the box fully ready. Insert fifty cents and they went into top mode. Miles wasn’t fully trained; he was hardly trained at all, and Simon was more than out of practice. 

Simon ruffled his fingers through the silky hair. He’d liked Steve’s hair longer, but Simon had to admit the new cut was flattering. This was one gorgeous boy. “Steve, it’s not always that simple.”

“You’re not changing your mind?” Simon heard the edge of panic in Steve’s voice.

“No, not simple wasn’t code for having second thoughts. Steve, look at me.” Simon lifted Steve’s chin and kissed him on the lips, a promise of more. “I love you. I know Miles loves you. He talks about you all the time. He’s very young; this is a big adjustment for him.”

“He’s a top. He is a top, isn’t he?” Steve’s voice sounded high and almost shaky.

Sharing affection with another submissive would be difficult, Simon thought as he reassuringly rubbed Steve’s shoulders. This was an intense boy; Josh hadn’t been exaggerating, and Simon could see the reasons for Josh’s strict control of Steve. This boy was insecure. “Miles is a top. He’s young. Josh and Milton are trying to help him.”

“He’s a top,” Steve repeated, meaning Miles should have his act together and he shouldn’t be struggling.

“Being a top doesn’t mean that he sometimes doesn’t need help. We’re not infallible, kid.” Simon kissed Steve’s forehead and tousled his hair. “Josh knows you well and is very experienced. We can both learn from him.”

“Tops are supposed to know.”

Simon blew his breath out softly, trying to muffle his frustration. This kid had somehow picked up that tops were infallible. He was going to be in for a shock with Simon and Miles. They were not infallible, and Simon was feeling far from invincible at the moment, but more like a fraud and a failure. Steve was becoming more agitated with the conversation, not less, and Miles... Simon had screwed up. There was no way to sugarcoat that.

“Steve, tops aren’t magicians. I don’t have super powers. We’re ordinary guys just like you, and like you we make mistakes. Sometimes someone has to tell us how to do it right. Josh helped Miles today. He was confused and struggling. Someday you’ll help us when we’re struggling. You’ll explain something we just can’t seem to get, and Miles and I will slap our forehead and wonder if we should trade in our brain for a hot rock.”

“But Miles...but Miles isn’t a sub.”

And he’s supposed to be your top, Simon added silently, and this scares the tar out of you. You need an anchor, and you’re afraid he won’t be able to do it. “Miles is not a sub,” Simon said aloud. “He was unsure; he’s young like you. He needed Josh’s help.”

“But Josh spanked him.” Steve’s voice was getting higher and more distraught. “His eyes were red, and you tops all closed ranks around him. Milton has him now. That’s what he’d do with a submissive, with someone like me.”

“It’s what I would do with any friend who had a hard day,” Milton said in a quiet, deep tone. “You’ve seen Jer hug Josh, bump Josh’s shoulder, or lean into Josh and whisper in his ear. Josh needed comfort or reassurance at that moment. It’s what friends and partners do for each other. The title top or bottom, dom or sub doesn’t mean anything in that situation. They are just two men finding comfort and companionship in each other.”

“I...” Steve’s voice faded off, and he buried himself in Simon’s shirt.

“Steve. Steve, look at me.” Milton had let Miles go, and Miles was crouched next to Simon’s chair, one hand on Steve’s knee. “Steve.” Miles landed a light slap on Steve’s thigh. “That’s right. Look at me. I’m young, as all these old guys keep reminding me.” Miles waved his arm around to encompass Simon and Milton. “I don’t buy clothes that look like they belong in a Smithsonian collection of vintage clothing--clothes worn by college professors and the male student body circa 1950. I am a top, and I very much want to be your top. I love you. I want you for mine, for ours.” Miles nodded to include Simon. “But I’m going to screw up sometimes. All new relationships are like that. You’re going to have to take the chance that I can be a one man walking, talking disaster at least some of the time, and according to Milton and Josh a lot of the time. Josh and Milton, I’m sure will put me right.” Miles smiled wryly. “Being put right seems to involve being tossed over their knee.”

“But you’re a top,” Steve said.

“It’s no protection. I wish it was. Josh spanks hard.”

“What’d you do?”

“Acted like a royal prick.” Miles grinned again and tousled Steve’s hair. “I hate to say this, but I damn well deserved it, and it probably won’t be the last time. I can be stubborn and argumentative, and for some reason Milton and Josh seem determined to break me of the habit. I think I’m on probation right now. Be a good baby top or take another whacking. I’m working on good right now, but I’m not promising proper top is going to last too long.”

“I only thought subs got in trouble,” Steve said softly.

“Dominants and submissives play a different role in the dynamic,” Milton said in a professorial tone.  “Neither of us is perfect, and sometimes we have to be put back on track. In a partnership or threesome in your case, usually your tops will be guiding and directing you. They will be your boundaries, but you are not a passive player in this relationship. You will offer them guidance and direction. It will be your responsibility to tell them if you have a problem or need something changed. They may not react in the manner you hoped, but it is their duty to respond. Do you understand?”

Steve nodded, sitting very still in Simon’s lap as he listened.

“It’s a big responsibility,” Milton continued. “As your friends, we have the same responsibility. Josh stepped into the role of senior top today because he correctly recognized that Miles temporarily needed more guidance. This is a small community, and we look out for our own.”

“Will he spank Miles again?” Steve asked in a small voice.

“That depends on Miles,” Milton said, “but Josh is very tactile and prefers the direct approach. Miles responded well to it. He’s much happier now than he was earlier, even though he wanted to give me an earful for holding him. It doesn’t make him less of a top or less capable of being able to take care of your needs because Josh took him over his knee. I just saw Miles do a very good job with you. He and Simon will take excellent care of you. Miles loves you very much, and he more than proved it today by finding a solution with Josh. Only excellent tops have the courage to let another top take charge for a few minutes. You know what it’s like to go across a top’s knees. It was the same for Miles, perhaps worse because as a top he has no natural affinity for submission. He was scared, angry, embarrassed, all the emotions you feel dangling over mine or Josh’s lap. It was pretty awful for you the first time, wasn’t it?”

Steve nodded. “I was so scared,” he whispered. “I had so screwed up. I just wanted to die.”

“Josh didn’t kill you though, and it all came out OK,” Milton said softly

Steve flushed and tucked himself further under Simon’s head. “You all helped, especially Mike and Luke.  And then later...” He trailed off, his face a dark crimson.

“The pledge,” Milton said gently. “Even that worked out OK. You met Simon and Miles. Not a bad outcome.”

“You were caned! Josh was caned!” 

“Gordon is proficient with the cane. I was sore, but overall I think it was a fair exchange. You started to understand that day. I don’t mind a few stripes to teach a boy. It wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last.”

“Gordon regularly canes you!” The disbelief was obvious in Steve’s voice. “Josh caned me once. It was awful.”

Simon ruffled Steve’s hair. “I hate canes; it’s not something we’ll ever do unless you want us to.”

“Please, no,” Steve whispered. “I hate canes,” he repeated.

Milton smiled wryly. “They’re not my favorite either. One of the few advantages of getting older is that it no longer happens on a regular basis, but as a top I have no immunity nor license to act badly. Gordon will pull me up short. It happens rarely now; usually Tilden and I will talk, Josh and I will talk, or Gordon and I will talk, or most commonly Sheldon and I will talk. It might be a casual word while we’re shaving, ‘Milton, that didn’t work for me.’ Of course with Sheldon it’s not usually that direct. I wish. I could look like genius top if Sheldon would actually talk to me in simple, top understandable language.” Milton smiled disarmingly. “Even after all these years I don’t always understand the nuances of a boy looking to brat. I’ll misunderstand a shift in intonation that says today red actually means blue, and silly me will still believe red is red. Tilden, our language master, will pull me aside and give me the look that he reserves for naughty Russian students who don’t learn the verbs of motion, the if only you’d been listening you wouldn’t be having these difficulties, and I’ll rescue you this time, but next time will be trouble.”  

Steve nodded and smiled. “I take it you’ve seen this look from Tilden,” Simon said. 

“Yeah, I’m not always the best student.”

“You’re doing better now,” Milton said quickly.

“Josh and Jer make me.”

“Steve,” Milton said softly. “There’s nothing wrong with that. You like structure; you want to submit. Josh and I are bossy; we enjoy being dominant. Sheldon wants me to be dominant. It’s a perfect match. I can be overbearing, domineering, unreasonable, draconian, and barbaric and not be arrested, and Sheldon can be silly, irresponsible, and crazy within the context of our relationship and not be afraid I’ll kick him out or let him fail. He gives it all to me, and I happily take it. You give Josh your submission, your control, your power. You may not have talked about it in those terms. Josh is old school and doesn’t over analyze. Knowing Josh, he laid out the rules and responsibilities and enforced them, but you didn’t have philosophical conversations. He let your behavior and the consequences teach you; he did the same today with Miles.”

“But Miles is a top. I still don’t understand.”

“He’s young--”

“I’m a baby top, and I’m supposed to respect my elders,” Miles interrupted. “Don’t be rude to Josh, or he’ll whack me, I think, was the message. Simple, straightforward, clear, and scared the shit out of me. Not that it wasn’t deserved. Most guys would have yelled at me or punched me. Josh just pointed out very clearly that I’d better find a new way to deal with him and quick.” Miles shuddered and laughed. “I’m not planning on doing that again, so I guess it worked. Not my favorite position in life.”

“That’s Josh,” Milton said. “This way is the easy way. This way is the hard way, and this is the very hard way. You make the choice.”

“I think I chose the hard way. I don’t want to meet the very hard way, and I think you were trying to show me the easy way, and I blew it off,” Miles said, looking at Milton.

“I’m more philosophical than Josh. It probably comes from being a college professor; we can parse anything. I was aggravating and frustrating you, rather than making it clearer. Sheldon knew. He looked at me in disbelief when he realized I hadn’t spanked you. I think his comment was Miles is miserable, and why didn’t I help him out rather than let him suffer.”

“He was right,” Miles said with an expressive shrug, “but I’m still not sure I like it.”

“That’s part of being a top,” Milton said. “We don’t want to give up that control; we don’t want to submit. Sometimes we need to. Being in a relationship is not always about what you want. It’s about what all three of you want and need. Now that I’ve made your heads spin with my philosophical bullshit, as Sheldon would call it, I’m going to go check on dessert. Simon, I think tops have dish duty. I can make excuses for Miles, but us old guys aren’t getting around it.”

“I’m capable of doing dishes,” Miles said, standing up.

“Take the free pass, kid.” Milton said, hooking an arm around Miles and pulling him close. He dropped a kiss on the young top’s forehead. “I know you hate that. It’s the penalty for arguing about the dishes. Gordon would have handed the lot to you for that comment and grinned all the way to sofa.”

“I hate dishes,” Steve said, sliding from his safe place on Simon’s lap and taking Miles’s hand. “I’m sure we can find something more fun to do, please.” Steve leaned into Miles, clearly looking for a hug.

Simon breathed a sigh of relief when Miles pulled Steve close and ran his fingers through Steve’s hair, leaving it standing up in sharp spikes. Miles did get this. He read Steve well, but he fought the acceptance of codified rules and limits, and the Green Mountain Boys would insist. Tops were expected to respect each other, and young tops were expected to obey and submit. For Simon the submission and the obedience hadn’t been difficult. He’d had it beat into him as a houseboy. David had been fair and rarely bluntly demanded obedience; he had negotiated obedience and submission. Josh and Milton were different. They demanded and enforced. Milton might explain it with pretty words; Josh just did it with an obvious confidence that his way worked and protests be damned. Miles’s instincts as a top were all in place, but he was not a Green Mountain Top: the formality, the demand for obedience, the rituals and ceremonies. None of those would be easy for Miles; Simon tolerated what he considered some of the silliness because he wanted the camaraderie, the family, and he had lived under an unregulated dominant. He wouldn’t want any boy to have to go through that. The Green Mountain Boys abhorred maltreatment of a submissive.

“I laid a fire in the living room,” Milton said. “I’ll give you a few minutes before I turn the hordes loose.”

“Blade and Sheldon?” Simon said inadvertently. He hadn’t wanted to voice that he had his doubts about Miles handling the Zath boys. Simon had doubts that he could handle the Zath boys, especially together. They weren’t wild submissives; they were another species.

“I trust Miles,” Milton said with the clear implication that Simon should also. “Every top should experience two Zaths at once. It’s a humbling experience.”

“Great, from the frying pan into the fire. We’re going to go and enjoy the fire before I get tossed into it.” Miles wrapped his arm around Steve’s shoulders and headed for the living room. Simon watched them go, his boys, trying to hide the concern on his face.

“They’ll be OK,” Milton said when they were out of sight and hopefully out of earshot. “They’re good boys.”

“Is Miles a boy?” Simon asked.

Milton stretched his long legs and took a moment to answer. “The easy answer is that all young tops act like boys sometimes. After all they are young, and while we often consider subbing the opposite of topping, it is more a manifestation of the same desire to be in a power exchange relationship. For many stepping into a more submissive role is also a natural manifestation of stress. Push most people hard enough and they will manifest submissive-like characteristics; it doesn’t make them subs; it makes them stressed out humans of all persuasions.” Milton steepled his hands in front of him, a gesture that Simon found horribly pedantic, before continuing. “I believe you were asking me something else about Miles with your question. Something as his partner you should know far better than I do.” Milton cocked his head and stared at Simon.

Simon shifted nervously, feeling a slight tingle of sweat on his palms. Simon was a top; he shouldn’t collapse under Milton’s eye. Milton wasn’t angry; that was obvious, but his stare made Simon feel naked. Milton refused to accept even the slightest evasion. The poor subs in his care. “I know Miles is not a sub, at least not full time, but today I’m not sure. I’ve seen it before.”

“You’re not sure about what? What have you seen?”

“Milton,” Simon snorted, trying to lighten the conversation and get Milton to look anywhere but at Simon’s face with those intense brown eyes.

“No, Simon,” Milton said softly. “Say what you mean. You know better. Clearly stating the idea with proper words is the first step in understanding and accepting it.”

“Is Miles a switch?” Simon didn’t know any switches. He’d told Miles he’d handle it if Miles were a switch, but that was more bluff than comfort level. He’d heard Landon was a switch, but he didn’t really know the man. He’d shaken hands with Landon and sat across from him at a dinner, but that didn’t count as knowing him.

“I don’t know. He switched today with Josh, but that doesn’t mean he’s a switch. As you asked the question, I suspect you think he’s a switch.”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what a switch looks like.”

“But yet you identified Miles as a switch.”

“He’s not a sub, at least not a sub most of the time, but today he was baiting, almost bratting.”

“Yes, he was, and Josh stopped it, and Miles responded strongly to Josh’s pressure. Miles is attracted to the power exchange. Most people with such an attraction will respond on either side of the dominance line if the pressure is applied correctly. Even for a top, it can be a relief and perhaps even a pleasure to occasionally submit. I submit to Gordon, less than I used to, and he has to work very hard to get it. I can’t say I find the pleasure that Sheldon does, but it can be a relief. I also look to my partner and my fellow dominants and submissives for support. It doesn’t mean Tilden’s going to pull me over his knee; he wouldn’t, but it does mean we lean on each other for love and support. You two have cut yourself off from the community. It’s not healthy, and it will make the transition more difficult.”

“I want to go back.”

“Is Miles onboard with this?”

Simon nodded. “Steve is pledged. We have responsibilities toward him.”

“Does Miles fully understand the ramifications of this? While I think several long conversations with Landon would put him at ease about his status as a top versus a switch, Miles and Gordon together are going to be combustible. Young tops are expected to conform, and Miles resists any rules he considers arbitrary, and there are many rules in the Green Mountain Boys that he will see as arbitrary.”

“He understands as much as he can at this stage.”

“Fair enough.”

Milton rose and moved to a credenza and pulled out a phone. He punched in a number from memory. Simon swallowed hard. Milton was calling Gordon. He hadn’t asked or suggested it. He’d merely stood up and dialed the phone. 

“Gordon, this is Milton.”

Milton was talking in a normal voice, easily understandable from where Simon sat, but Simon didn’t want to overhear. Somehow this was overwhelmingly humiliating to have his life arranged before his own eyes. He’d forgotten about this part of the Green Mountain Boys. They were nosy, bossy busybodies. Milton would do what he thought was best and expect Simon to obey.

Simon let his eyes wander around the room, trying not to hear the conversation. The dining room was like any other formal dining room. The twin corner cupboards filled with dishes reminded Simon of his parents’ dining room. This dining room looked more used; Simon bet there were a few scratches on this table. His family hadn’t entered the dining room; heaven forbid if they had scratched the table or left a ring on it.

“Simon, Tuesday at eleven. Alone. They’ll pick you up at the station.”

“Don’t I get any say,” Simon said suddenly angry that he’d let Milton make the decisions.

“You knew what I was doing, and you made no effort to stop me. You ceded your authority to me, and I took it. I’m a top, and it’s how we operate. Don’t pretend you didn’t know or understand what I was doing.”

Simon dropped his eyes at the light scold. He had known exactly what Milton was doing, and he’d allowed and encouraged it. “I knew,” Simon said with a half smile.

“Simon, you don’t need to apologize or act ashamed. You offered me a tiny bit of authority, and I ran with it. I’m a top; I enjoy being dominant. If you give me an opening, I will take it.”

“I know,” Simon shrugged. “I guess I forgot how quick it can be.”

“And how powerless it can make you feel even when it’s only for a single small item and you willingly ceded that control.”

Simon nodded. “It’s hard sometimes.”

“Being attracted to a power exchange is not always a blessing; it can be a curse.”

“It has its rewards,” Simon said with a small smile, “even if I not thrilled about seeing Gordon. And thank you for giving me the push and making me do it.”

“It won’t be awful. Gordon will not give you trouble about Miles. He’ll give you trouble about not being upfront about your relationship. Do you understand the difference?”

“Yes, but--”

“With Sheldon or Blade that is a yes or no question. I am going to give you some leeway as you’re a top.”

“They don’t approve of top with top relationships.”

“You are a Green Mountain Boy, so it’s not they or them, but we and us. We believe in lasting, gratifying, and consensual relationships. In general a top with a top relationship is more difficult and unsatisfying for both parties, but it is not impossible. You and Miles are a good match and whether Miles is actually a switch is an open question. No matter Miles ultimate designation--it’s not important--he wants to give you some authority. He doesn’t want to be the pack leader; he showed that rather dramatically with Josh.”

“I don’t want to spank him.”

“That will be his decision,” Milton said sternly. “It is your responsibility and your pleasure as a top if he needs and wants it.”

Simon felt his face flush. He knew David had talked about the pleasure of spanking his submissive, but Simon had never really liked that part. Maybe it was his initial bad experience: passed around, spanked for the hell of it, and humiliated in a free for all. He’d promised himself he’d never do that. He’d spanked Sam. Sam demanded and wanted it, and there had been a closeness, a sharing of burdens, and a pleasure in making Sam his boy, but he didn’t want Miles as his boy. He couldn’t manage two boys. Steve was a high needs submissive. Simon had seen enough to know corporal punishment was going to be frequent in their home. It wasn’t quite the Sheldon tease and catch me if you can attitude, but a demand for attention, a need to know exactly where he stood, and Simon thought a need to be freely emotional. Simon understood the emotional release, a chance to cry, to cuddle, and to be loved unreservedly. He’d found that place once or twice with David, and it had been Sam’s outlet. Too many generations of men who weren’t emotional and who didn’t cry still hung over them like an evil and depressing specter. Over someone’s knee whom you loved or cared about, emotional reserve vanished.

“It’s not a crime to take pleasure in it. If it’s consensual and makes your partner happy, you should enjoy it also.”

“I know.”

“But you’re like Tilden and feel guilty that you might. You will soon have a full time boy and a young man who may need your help occasionally. I hope you find a way to enjoy it.”

“When I’m not getting bullied and lectured,” Simon said and managed a small smile.

“Point taken,” Milton said with the slight ironic smile he seemed to use with troublesome tops. “I need to rescue Tilden and Trent from my redheads before they start lecturing me on top responsibility.