Steve's Tale 14

Steve’s Tale

Chapter 14

Steve made no attempt to leave the car. With the massive lodge looming in front of them, this no longer seemed like a good idea. Steve wasn’t sure what he’d imagined, maybe little cabins in the wood, not the imposing stone structure nestled against the sharp crags of the ski mountain with the lift towers rising in the background. Steve had never skied; he didn’t find spending an entire day outside in the freezing cold a fun activity. Luke had invited him several times this winter, and Josh had even accepted for Steve, insisting he should be more social. Fortunately, he’d come down with a vicious cold and was able to spend the weekend in bed with orange juice and chicken noodle soup.

“Steve.” Miles had walked around to the passenger side and hauled him out of the car. “This was your idea. You don’t get to stay in the car.”

This suddenly seemed like a very bad idea. Steve looked longingly back at the car but reluctantly followed Miles.

“I know it doesn’t look all that inviting, but I don’t see a moat or archers in the windows. It can’t be all that bad; I doubt if they have a real live dungeon.”

“You’ve never been here? I thought when you and Simon got together...”

“Nope. I was doing some landscape work and somehow got to talking to this guy about all kinds of crazy things. I thought he was the son of the homeowner.  He was a real chatterbox and one thing led to another. The next thing I knew he was making a pass at me, and I was running the other way as fast as I could with the weed eater as a shield. His father came tearing out the house--he must have had the windows open-- and intercepted me as I reached the truck. I thought he was going to punch me, but he was laughing and chiding this guy for scaring the baby top. Turns out the guy in the flower bed wasn’t his son, but a young sub he was hosting for the summer. I got herded into the kitchen and parked behind a tall glass of lemonade. Well, you know how tops are once they’ve made up their mind. As he pointed out I was a terrible landscaper. I’d mowed down a tree the week before, and I’d weeded the flowers out the bed rather than the weeds. He set me up with Simon the following week after a whirlwind interview with Landon and Gordon.”

“I think this was a bad idea.” Steve had been walking slower and slower as he and Miles talked.

“Oh, no you don’t. We’re going through with this.” Miles reached back and gripped Steve’s hand.

“I guess this is what makes you a top--the failure to engage in a strategic retreat.”

“Strategic retreat?” Miles turned toward Steve, his eyes half-laughing.

“Too many Milton lectures.” Steve tried to keep his voice light hearted, but he couldn’t keep his legs from moving slower, his steps from shortening.

“Steve, you’re not a geriatric, and it’s still spitting rain, cold rain. Putting off the inevitable will not make it go away.”

“Top,” Steve muttered. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Miles to be a top. He liked that certainty, that no excuses attitude, but was it necessary to run into the fire? They weren’t supposed to be here; he was supposed to be safe at home studying. Instead, they were in Vermont, and they’d left the house a mess without a note and glass all over the floor. Josh would certainly have words for this and that was after Gordon and Simon. 

“Steve, Miles stop dawdling in the parking lot. You’re not going to find buried treasure out here or Aladdin and his magic lamp to save you from irate tops.” It was Landon, under an enormous golf umbrella, hurrying toward them. “You’re Miles, right? I’m Landon.” Landon shook Miles’s hand. “It's been a long time. I'll have to see if you live up to the stories I've heard. All good, of course." Landon laughed. You have all our staid tops in a twitter; it’s good to see that something can still shake them up.”

“I hope it’s good,” Miles said with a half smile directed more at Steve than Landon. “I’m not sure it’s always a plus to be considered controversial.”

“For you it is,” Landon said with a small smile that caused the lines around his eyes to deepen in what looked like frequent laugh lines. “Now inside, boys. Simon will be thrilled to see you, and I’ll keep Josh and Milton at bay, but next time at least leave a note. There’s nothing to raise a top’s ire quicker than vanishing with no note and not answering your phones.”

“Josh called?” Steve asked.

“Of course. Did you really expect him not to?” Landon said and dropped a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “He’s done this a long time. He knew where to look. Next time for God’s sake pick up the glass. I promised him I’d look for blood and that settled him a fraction. You both seem to still have all your fingers and toes.”

“He’s mad,” Steve said with a gulp. Landon had steered them inside and had already shaken out his umbrella and pulled their wet jackets off before Steve had even a quick glance around.

“I’ll give you a tour later, but upstairs now.”

They quick marched up a set of wide wooden stairs that seemed to rise in the air unsupported. Steve didn’t know much about architecture or design, but he’d worked with Josh enough to recognize the fine craftsmanship in the carved railings and banisters. Landon opened a door without knocking and ushered them into a large room with floor to ceiling bookcase and a cheerful fire in the hearth.

“Our wayward boys,” Landon said, backing out of the room and leaving Steve facing a tall, willowy man with a gentle smile and ample flecks of gray in his short hair.

“I’m David.” The man’s grip was firm, and instead of releasing Steve’s hand in a pro forma handshake he pulled him closer and dropped a light kiss on his hair. “Steve, right?” He gripped both Steve’s shoulders and turned Steve so they were forced to look at each other. “Ah, I can see why you were smitten. What a gorgeous boy! And he blushes so beautifully.”

Steve felt his face go from a slight pink to a fierce red, and he shot a desperate glance at Miles and Simon, who had risen from the sofa and was moving toward both of them.

“I’m teasing,” David said, his voice gentler. “You don’t know me well enough for that. I’m sorry; I hope we can be friends.”

“It’s OK,” Steve said softly, studying his soggy tennis shoes.

“No, it’s not. I’ve embarrassed you. I’m not your top. You’re welcome to tell me I’m behaving badly.”

Steve flushed again. It really wasn’t that big of deal, and David--well--he seemed nice. His eyes at least made Steve want to trust him. 

“Steve, come here.” 

Thank God! That was Simon, his arms open, a place of safety. Steve buried himself in Simon’s arms, savoring the powerful hug. “David, well, he can be David,” Simon said in Steve’s ear, “but he means a good deal to me. I hope you’ll get along.”

Steve nodded, burrowing tightly against Simon. Simon got this; he enveloped Steve, made him feel safe. Miles was trying, but Miles didn’t just take over, and, well, all political correctness aside that was what Steve wanted. It was easy and safe with Simon and Josh. Miles had been cool today, but he was different. Shit! He loved Miles, but he loved Simon also, differently, not more. This was confusing.

“Abandoning me for the safety of Simon,” Miles said.

Steve felt the blood flood his face and neck. He hadn’t wanted Miles to know. He didn’t want Miles to feel he’d deserted him for Simon. Miles had been great, but Simon’s arms were heavy and secure.

 “Kiddo. That is the right term, isn’t it?” Miles said with a grin that made him look impossibly un-top-like. “Feel free to go hide in Simon’s arms. I was thinking it might be pretty good there myself. I’ll be the tough one; I’ll face the sharks alone.”

“Miles, I know we haven’t met, and I know you don’t know me,” David said, “but you’re not alone. You’re Simon’s partner and all but formally Steve’s partner. Simon is family; you and Steve are now family, and I think I made it amply clear to Simon that he’s not hiding from me or any of us any longer.”

“You did,” Simon said with a smile in his voice. “I promise to be a good boy.”

David snorted. “You’re a terrible boy, but you’re a good man, and you damn well know the difference.”

“I do,” Simon said with a flash of a grin. “I want to be over your knee as little as possible.”

“Good,” David said easily, “because it’s not a place I like.”

“That’s a relief,” Simon said with a laugh. “I wouldn’t want to make it a habit. I’d forgotten how much it hurt.”

Steve listened to the banter, snuggling tighter against Simon’s broad chest, feeling the rough sweater against his face. He wasn’t used to this type of banter. Sheldon was very open, but he was crazy; everybody knew that. Josh and Jer didn’t act like this. They rarely spoke directly of spanking. Josh would give Steve a serious look that Steve had finally realized was a silent warning, and if Steve didn’t cease and desist, Josh would hold out his hand in silent expectation. Jer either quietly disappeared or Josh took Steve somewhere private. The spanking was done, and they didn’t joke about it. They’d both stay close, and Jer usually found time for a quiet cup of cocoa and a gentle talk. 

“You OK?” Simon asked, ruffling Steve’s hair. “You’re very quiet.”

“Yeah,” Steve muttered.

“A ringing endorsement if I ever heard one,” Simon said, pushing Steve to arm’s length and studying his face. “What happened, honey? Did you and Miles have a fight? Is that why you’re here?”

Steve blinked back the tears that were filling his eyes. Miles had spanked him; it was over now; he shouldn’t want to cry again. This was stupid; men didn’t cry all the time. Simon’s hand cupped Steve’s chin, and he studied Steve, surely seeing Steve’s tell-tale red eyes and the flush on his cheeks.

“I spanked him,” Miles said when Steve continued to be silent in Simon’s scrutiny.

“No one else was there?” Simon asked in a tone that made it clear that he already knew the answer. “My poor boys. I’m sorry; I should have been there.”

“I’m more than capable,” Miles practically snarled. “I’m not a total incompetent.”

“I’m sure you’re not.” David’s tone was quiet, but there was something in his voice that snapped Steve’s head in David’s direction and sent a shiver through his frame. “You’ve all had an emotionally difficult morning. Your partner offered you support, and you just bit his head off. That was not kind.” The last words were said in almost a whisper.

“What gives you the right to interfere?” Miles hands were balled in a fist, and he was glaring at David. Steve watched, both fascinated and frightened. Tops weren’t supposed to fight among themselves; David seemed like a nice guy, and Miles looked like he wanted to deck him.

“Is this where you want this to go?” David asked, his voice still soft, his eyes questioning.

“You have no right,” Miles said in a strained voice.

“I love Simon. You just gratuitously hurt him, hurt yourself, and hurt Steve. I will not stand by and let that happen; I’m not that kind of man, and I don’t think you’re a man who intentionally hurts the ones he loves, but you’re stressed.” David held up his hand. “No listen. Then you can tell me how wrong I am.” David hesitated a moment, his dark eyes studying Miles, seeming to look through him. “Boy,” he said cautiously, his eyes still fixed on Miles. “Definitely boy,” he repeated. “You’re a switch, not just a young, stressed top. Come here.” He caught Miles’s wrist, pulled him close, and kissed his forehead. “Simon’s got Steve. If you need to let that side show, it’s safe now. I’ve got you, and I have plenty of back up.”

“I’m not a boy,” Miles said with admirable levelness despite his clenched jaw and obvious anger.

“Really.” David’s eyebrows shot up his forehead. “Steve, what condition was the living room in when you left?”

Steve squirmed in Simon’s arms and felt his face go hot again. He didn’t usually blush every third word, but today he couldn’t seem to stop it.

“Steve,” David repeated.

“There was popcorn and broken glass on the floor, and we didn’t leave a note,” Miles said.

“Not very top-like, hmm?” David said in that same calm tone, not overbearing, but without question a top. 

“I had other things on my mind,” Miles said sharply.

“Maybe,” David said, “but I think it was more than that. You spanked your submissive for the first time. You had to be unsure, frightened, shocked at the power; we all are. It doesn’t matter if we think we understand the power dynamic. When you’re on the top side, it’s an incredible thing: the power, the trust, the fear you’ll take that trust and submission and screw up. It’s all right to feel all those things. Slipping over to the submissive side is a safety valve for almost all young tops. You do it more dramatically than some, and maybe you enjoy it also. Aaron, my partner, always tells me the sub side is more fun. He actually can top, but he doesn’t like to. He doesn’t switch because he enjoys the sub side, and I enjoy the top side. Non switching partners works for us. You might need to switch, and I see no reason why switching wouldn’t work for you. I hardly know you, and I can tell when you’re on the sub side; I’m sure your partners will have no trouble telling.”

“The mess was my fault,” Steve said from the shelter of Simon’s arms. “Miles wasn’t bratting. He’s a top.”

Miles pulled away from David and ran his hand down his tight braid. “Steve,” he said softly. “I’m a top, I know that, but sometimes... Sometimes, I think, I switch. I’m not like Josh or Milton. I knew there was a mess, and I didn’t clean it up.” Miles shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled sheepishly. “I knew Josh wouldn’t like it.”

“And,” David prodded.

“Is he always this way?” Miles asked Simon.

“Yeah, this is David. No wiggle room, no evasions, just the facts, boy.”

“Ugh,” Miles said expressively. “Can I retract my previous statement? I don’t think I’m a switch after all.”

“Boy,” Simon and David said together.

“You wanted Josh to come after you,” Simon said, his arms still draped over Steve, keeping the boy close. “It helped at Milton’s, and you wanted it again. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for the both of you. The first time is always hard.” Simon tucked Steve against him. “Are you both OK?”

“Miles did a good job,” Steve said, pulling from Simon’s arms and going to stand next to Miles. “I trust him.” He threaded his fingers through Miles’s hand and leaned against the tall frame. “I want him for my top.” He glanced at Simon and David unsure what he’d seen in their expressions. He didn’t say these kinds of things; he did what he was told, and he liked doing that. God, he’d never tell anyone that. Mike was brave enough to say it, to admit he wanted Tilden to pick his shirt color or make him sit on the floor. Steve couldn’t do that; he hadn’t managed to even tell Miles coherently what he needed and wanted today. Miles had finally taken the initiative--after the bowl went flying. They were all over Miles now; it wasn’t fair. Miles had done the right thing; he’d been Steve’s top when he had most needed and wanted one.

“It’s OK.” Miles kissed Steve’s forehead. “I’ve been told subs are supposed to like that; it drives me wild.”

“There are other places I prefer being kissed,” Steve said with an attempt at a flirtatious grin.

“Don’t smirk at me,” Miles said with a laugh. “It doesn’t suit.” Miles bent down and kissed Steve firmly on the lips. “You have to wait for more when we’re in private, boy.”

“Young lovers,” David said with sigh. “To be young again, kissing at every opportunity. Just keep your clothes on, boys. I’m old-fashioned that way.”

“So am I,” Simon said. “No public necking.”

“Spoil sport.” Miles stuck his tongue out at Simon.

“Swat that boy,” David said with a laugh. “He’s more than asking for it.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I don’t know,” Simon rubbed his chin with mock seriousness. “He has an awfully good ass. It would look even better all pretty and red over my knee.” Simon grinned at David. “My ass is good and red. It only seems fair that we should all sport a matching color.”

“Simon!”

“Well, why should Josh have all the fun?”

“He’s older and scarier, and he doesn’t see me with my eyes half-closed, stumbling through the house, clutching my mug of coffee every morning. I don’t think I could cope. I’m not that brave.” Miles pulled Steve close. “This is the brave one. I can’t do that every day. It’s too--” Miles hesitated, “exposed, revealing, vulnerable.”

“You’re a top; you live with me every day, and you don’t want to be my submissive,” Simon said. “I’m happy not to take that role with you, you know that, but I can if you want sometimes. It doesn’t mean I have to do it all the time. We can even do it just for fun. I love you, but I want you to be who you are, and if part of that is being a sub sometimes I can cope. As David so thoughtfully reminded me today, I am a top, and it’s time for me to fully take my responsibilities again. I have a boy again, maybe two boys sometimes. I can’t live in the past any longer; I’m ready now.” Simon closed the gap between the two of them in one long stride and crushed them in a hug that seeped down through every fiber of Steve’s body. “My boys. Mine.”

“Ours,” Miles said.

“Yes, ours,” Simon repeated. “All three of us. Steve, we belong to you as much as you belong to us. With your submission and your love, you hold our hearts and our soul.” 

Steve didn’t want to think of the words. He knew it was about togetherness, love, sacrifice, all the words that people always talked about while they continued to rush out the door to work and hide behind the loud television. He just wanted to stay in the middle of this tight circle, enclosed and protected in both men’s presence. He wanted what he couldn’t quite name and still couldn’t quite understand even after all these months with Josh and Jer: their easy familiarity, their sense of each other all the time. Milton had tried to talk to him about the mechanics of submission, love, marriage, but they had been words, abstract concepts that belonged to someone else. 

Steve knew how to submit; Josh had insisted with overwhelming certainty that Steve cede to his authority. Miles had asked today, and they’d stumbled through it, not perfect and laced with uncertainty and inexperience, but they’d made it, and now Simon had him in his unwavering strength. These were his tops, not borrowed, not an act of charity. Steve melted against them; this was where he wanted to be.

“Steve? Steve?”

“What?”

“Did you pass out on us?” Simon asked, his eyes crinkling with concern.

“No.” Steve fought the urge to rub his eyes and shake his head in disbelief. Maybe he had passed out. He’d been having the strangest thoughts. Please don’t let them ask about what he’d been thinking. He couldn’t say it aloud. “Where’s David?” That was a safe and distracting question.

“He slipped out to give us some time alone and to call Josh.” Simon dropped onto the sofa, wincing slightly as his butt hit the cushions and pulled Steve down with him.

Miles groaned. “I guess I should sit now while I’m still comfortable. I have a good idea what Josh is going to think of the glass, the popcorn, and no note.”

“Miles,” Simon said, reaching and tugging Miles down on the sofa. “How you respond to Josh is your choice. It’s always the boy’s choice. You do play at subbing for Josh, don’t you?”

Miles fingered the trinkets in his ears and rolled the string of beads around his wrist.

“No long silences. We have a boy, and I have David breathing down my neck. Talk to me.”

“Si.”

“Miles, no, we’re a threesome. Spit it out.”

Miles made an incomprehensible grunt. “I guess it’s only fair; I did make Steve talk to me.”

“You don’t have to talk now. It wasn’t like that,” Steve said quickly. “You were easy to talk to. You weren’t forcing me.”

“I’m overriding you here. As senior top, I’m going to call the shots about this. No more long silences and that includes me. You and Miles have to keep me honest here. You can rat me out to David if I don’t comply. Just the threat will make me sing,” Simon said with a wry grin.

“You’re going to let Josh loose on me. I think I have the worst end of the deal.”

“Isn’t that what you want?” Simon asked. “You did leave a mess. Miles, you may dress like your half stoned and heading for a commune, but I know better. You’re generally tidy, and you leave notes. It was deliberate, wasn’t it?”

“You’re not letting me off the hook, bastard.”

“Nope. Talk.” Simon flipped his hand across Miles’s thigh; Steve wasn’t sure if it was a warning or a friendly pat. 

“I think I’m going to hate this switch thing. You’ve got to teach me to do this sub thing,” Miles said with a grin at Steve. “I keep getting myself backed into a corner.”

“Miles, on topic. Now.” Simon sharpened his voice.

“Big, bad top.” Miles grinned. “Threatening and everything.

“I’m serious, Miles. It’s not fair to Steve if he doesn’t understand about your status as a switch.”

“I don’t understand my status as a switch,” Miles snapped. “Sorry, he muttered. “This is hard.” He ran his hand down the seam of his jeans. “I made Steve talk earlier. I didn’t know it was this hard.”

“It’s easier once you start,” Steve said. “Simon’s being mean.”

“Steve.” Simon put his hand under Steve’s chin and forced him to look up. “Do you really think I’m being mean to Miles?”

Steve shook his head. Simon wasn’t being harsh; that wasn’t what he meant. It was just hard to put feelings into words. 

“Simon’s being nice. I’m the one being an ass. I’ve never been good at this.” Miles pulled his hair forward and ran his hand down his braid. “I’m a switch. God, I don’t even understand what it is, but somehow I know that’s me. I like being a top, but when Josh pulled me across his knee, that felt right also. I can’t really explain it.”

“You don’t have to explain it right now,” Simon said with an intensity that made Steve shiver. “You just have to accept and admit who you are. If you want to be both a sub and a top, embrace it. We will make it work. Like you, I must embrace who I am. I’m a top; I can’t hide from that. I think it’s Steve who can teach us about embracing our true nature. He’s a college boy, surrounded by partying frat boys, and he embraces the submissive side of his nature. He lives with men who I know his classmates would call authoritarian assholes. He hasn’t done the college thing, and now he’s entering a serious relationship at twenty. Our boy has guts.”

Steve flushed and drew his knees to his chest, trying to hide his face.

“Kiddo, it’s true,” Simon said softly, untangling Steve’s limbs. “You’re one hell of a brave kid, and I’m damn proud we’re going to be calling you our partner.”

“Stop.” Steve felt his face turn hotter. “I tried to party; Tilden caught me. I’m not always a good boy.”

“Shh, yes you are.” Simon ruffled Steve’s hair, hooked an arm around him, and pulled him close with practiced ease. “You’re both wonderful and brave boys, and I’m going to sit here and enjoy it before we have to face the righteous wrath of Josh.”

“He’s coming?” Miles asked.

“Leave that kind of mess, did you expect or want anything different?”

“No,” Miles said after a moment, “but I think I prefer to just let it happen and not think about it.” He ran his hand over his face, the bracelets bouncing on his wrist. “This submissive stuff is hard, but I guess it’s worth it.”

“For you, I think it is.” Simon pulled Miles against him, ignoring Miles’s squirming. “Be still. I want to enjoy my boys before the fireworks. Yes, this will be more than worth it,” Simon said as he cuddled them closer. “A sub, a top, and a switch, may fortune favor the foolish.”