Chapter 8
Texas, Our Texas
“All right?” Sheldon
whispered. He was standing in the connecting doorway between the rooms,
holding a wet washcloth and a glass of water. “I thought...”
Milton
smiled gently, his arms still tight around Samuel who showed no
inclination to lift his head from where it was tightly pressed against
Milton’s shoulders. The tears had finally dwindled to a few stray
splashes and choked breaths. Sheldon must have heard the racking sobs,
and now he stood in the doorway with uncharacteristic hesitation.
“Did
you finish your lines?” Milton asked. That was an easy question that
would put Sheldon back on safe and familiar territory, not worrying
about Samuel’s obvious distress.
Sheldon’s
only reply was a quiet nod, totally uncharacteristic for Milton’s
firecracker partner. Of course listening to a man cry like that would
drive anyone to uncharacteristic behavior. Sheldon would have heard the
light spanking and know the wracking sobs were totally out of
proportion.
“Do
you want to go swimming?” Milton asked, still trying to normalize the
conversation. He would talk to Sheldon later about Samuel, but not in
the young Texan’s presence. Sheldon needed to understand the hurt and
the tears were years building up; it wasn’t one incident, but a lifetime
of needless hurt, and it wouldn’t be washed away by one spanking or a
hundred spankings if Samuel were so inclined.
Sheldon
sent a darting look at Milton, further sign that he was uncomfortable.
For all Sheldon’s wildness and penchant for dragging other boys into
trouble, he damn well cared.
“Swim trunks. No nude swimming.” Milton smiled again and beckoned Sheldon toward him.
“I have a red butt.”
“And whose fault was that?”
“Yours.”
“Really.”
Milton crooked his finger, beckoning again, and Sheldon slowly
approached, keeping a wary eye on Samuel and walking nearly on tiptoe as
if there were a baby in the room. Samuel hadn’t moved, to a casual
observer oblivious to Sheldon, but Milton had felt the stiffening in the
back and the quickening of the breaths when Sheldon had first spoken.
“Here,” Sheldon said stiffly, handing Milton the washcloth and the glass of water.
“Thank
you. Go play, boy. We’re OK.” Milton couldn’t say more, not with
Samuel’s ears perked. He hoped Sheldon read his facial expression; yes,
it had been bad, but now at least there was a glimmer of light on the
horizon. Sheldon leaned in and Milton bushed his cheek with his lips.
“Go. We’re fine.”
Sheldon’s
eyes said everything. He knew they weren’t fine, but he went anyway
with a last concerned look over his shoulder. Milton heard Sheldon
rummaging through the drawers, and then he was back in swim trunks
decorated with snapping sharks and frantic swimmers with artful trails
of red representing blood from terrible wounds. A giant beach towel
complements of The Forest was draped over his shoulder.
“Trunks
stay on,” Milton said in a forced light tone. He needed to normalize
the situation for Samuel. He had to show the example of normal and
right, a small spanking and back out to play.
“See
you later.” Normally Sheldon would have made a snappy retort or even
have stripped his shorts in front of Milton as a tease.
“Have
fun.” Milton waited for the click of the door before hoisting a limp
Samuel more upright and wiping his face with the wet cloth. “Drink this.
All of it,” Milton ordered, placing the glass at Samuel’s lips.
Samuel
swallowed the water obediently; his eyes on the floor, his shoulders
slumped in a passive acceptance of whatever was to come.
“How bad do you feel?”
“I’m fine,” Samuel said flatly, his eyes still on the thick beige carpet.
“I’ve
cried before. Your throat hurts; your eyes feel like they have lids of
sandpaper, and your cheeks feel like you have the worst case of windburn
since the discovery of the North Pole. I don’t call that fine.”
A
very tentative smile, almost invisible, flashed across Samuel’s face
before the bland passiveness snapped back into place. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“You should go swimming with Sheldon. He’s your partner. I’ve taken up a lot of your time already.”
“You
haven’t been swimming with Sheldon. He collects as many boys as
possible and tries to drown me. It’s not swimming; it’s a modern form of
the Roman circuses with the top as the hapless victim against the wild
beasts. I’m more than happy to sit here dry and safe. And kid, you’ve
been living with me. I don’t begrudge you the time. I don’t expect my
houseguests to be invisible or to be unfailingly polite.”
“I...I...”
“You
cried. You were upset. You let me hold you for more than an instant.
Cruel and ignorant people might even call your little tears a breakdown.
You escaped a terrible place. You won’t find your equilibrium in a new
society instantly. It’s not like flipping a page in an anthology of
short stories and going from Chekov to Conan Doyle. Be patient with
yourself. Jonah crashes around like the proverbial bull in the china
shop, and you fade into the woodwork, a pale and insipid version of what
I expect is your true self.”
“I don’t usually shout and throw things.”
“Probably
not. That’s a Zath specialty.” Milton tousled Samuel’s hair in a rough
affectionate gesture, something men might have been able to get away
with in Texas while a gentle kiss might make Samuel recoil. “You
probably didn’t cry either. That was for girls and the fag boys, wasn’t
it?” Milton asked, intentionally using the pejorative term. He had to
break those terms hold on Samuel, break the distorted and perverted
images that had been forced into Samuel’s brain.
Samuel nodded.
“How long have you been in this country?”
“Eight weeks,” Samuel mumbled.
“And six of those with me. Who have you seen cry?”
“Blade, Sheldon. Mike that night when you made me go out.”
“Luke
was at dinner at least twice with red eyes, and he doesn’t have
allergies or wear contacts. I’ve seen every man in the house cry. I’ve
cried. We are all men, and none of us is broken. We are human beings
with strong emotions, everything from glorious passion to gut wrenching
sorrow; we are not automatons to soldier on no matter the odds.”
“I don’t do this,” Samuel said almost to himself, hunching his shoulders and trying to draw away from Milton.
“You
do now,” Milton said with a calculated briskness and tugged Samuel back
against his chest. “Now that I’ve ferreted you out of your hidey-hole,
you are not going to ground again.”
“I’m
not one of your boys,” Samuel muttered, but he didn’t pull away from
Milton’s incessant pressure and collapsed back against the broad chest.
“You
might not be one of my boys,” Milton said gently, “but you are a young
man in distress. You can take the comfort and security without taking
the other side. Talking to me doesn’t make you a submissive.”
“You spanked me,” Samuel whispered in a strained voice.
“Yes,
I did, and I spank the submissives in the household. I see where you’re
going with this. Because I spanked you, you’re a sub scenario. That’s
not how it works, kiddo. I know it looks like that, but being a
submissive in a relationship is something you must choose, and you are
in no way prepared to choose. What you and Jonah were doing isn’t even
remotely related to what I do with Sheldon or what Tilden does with Luke
and Mike.” Milton didn’t add that Tilden would chase a man out of town
who laid one of his boys over a table and strapped him with a belt.
“I
don’t want to be spanked.” Samuel spoke so softly that Milton almost
didn’t hear, and he could have pretended that he hadn’t heard.
“You
can ask for that,” Milton said very gently, tucking the fair head
tighter against his chest. “I don’t spank my colleagues at work no
matter how many times they are late for a departmental meeting or how
many times they manage to spill coffee on my papers or worse on me, but
they also don’t throw things at me or curse me without far worse
consequences than a spanking. Samuel, this goes both ways. I won’t spank
you, but you can’t brat to this degree. Do you understand what I’m
saying Samuel?”
“I have to be good,” Samuel said faintly.
“You’re
always good, Samuel. You’re allowed to disagree with me; you’re allowed
to be angry with me, but you can’t brat. Do you understand what
bratting is?”
“It’s doing something wrong.”
“No,
it’s not,” Milton said with enough force that Samuel’s head shot up his
blue eyes round and damp with unshed tears. “Do you remember what we
talk about earlier, about you being late?”
Samuel
nodded, his hair dropping into his eyes, making him look younger and
even more vulnerable. This kid certainly looked the role of the
submissive. An artist couldn’t capture a more fitting image of a boy
being scolded by a dom, and this kid might not even be a boy.
“I
punished Sheldon because he chooses to live as my boy. In our
arrangement, he will be disciplined if he disobeys. This is an
arrangement; it’s a choice we both made, hopefully with a full
understanding of what was involved.” Milton didn’t bother to add that he
wasn’t sure any couple had a full understanding until they hashed
through a few disasters. Sheldon had said yes that first night with only
a vague understanding of what it would be like to hang upside down and
vulnerable over Milton’s knee. Milton was sure Sheldon at that time had
no understanding of the comprehensive nature of their future
arrangement. It had been, as many of Sheldon’s decisions were, a choice
of quick, impulsive thought. Would Sheldon have said yes understanding
all the ramifications? Would any boy agree the first time, truly knowing
what would happen later? Submission for a tumble in bed or for a few
hours at a club was a far different animal than full time submission.
There were sacrifices for both parties; sacrifices that weren’t
understood or believed until two people set off on the bumpy and winding
path of a power exchange.
All
these things that Samuel couldn’t possibly know. Milton had studied
Texas; he understood the culture as well as any foreigner could. In
general family structure was still on strict patriarchal lines. Samuel’s
mother would have deferred to his father. It wouldn’t have been
negotiated or debated; it would have been expected. Samuel as the
younger, smaller, and less educated partner would naturally take the
submissive role with Jonah; it was the only model he had. It didn’t mean
he wanted to be a submissive, no more than a hundred years ago the
dearth of women in the professional fields meant that they didn’t want
to be lawyers, doctors, or accountants. Society wouldn’t let women make
those choices; just as the culture of Texas took those choices from
Samuel.
Milton
stroked Samuel’s cheek with two fingers and kissed the tangled hair.
Would Samuel ever understand this was a choice now? Or would Milton be
better to steer Samuel hard to the submissive side, to teach him to be a
good and safe submissive. With the right dominant he could probably be happy
and maybe happier sooner than trying to sort through the confusing and
frightening choices. Did Milton have a right to play God that way? They
were pushing Jonah hard to the submissive side. Why not do that with
Samuel? But Jonah gave out very strong signals, and unless they had all
temporarily lost their mind; Jonah was a world class boy, most likely a
boy in the Sheldon and Blade tradition which was going to be eye opening
for Samuel. Jonah was an easy man to push to boydom; he practically had
submissive flashing over his head in neon lights. A dominant pushed, and he
grabbed onto him like a man in the desert who had found the oasis that
he’d thought was a mirage was actually real.
“You
haven’t made any choices, Samuel. You hid, and you modeled your life on
the only relationships you and your partner had ever seen, not healthy
relationships, especially in Jonah’s case. Maybe none of this stuff
works for you. You might long for a quiet house in the suburbs with a
white picket fence, and a husband who wouldn’t know a paddle from a
bread board. That’s not a wrong choice. It’s not who we are, but it’s a
legitimate choice. Just as there are men who choose to live as slaves,
who enjoy being chained to the bed and randomly beaten. Blade actually
might like that type of arrangement, but I’m not up for it,” Milton said
with a wry grin. “Kink, no kink, what kind of kink should all be your
choice. I can’t make that choice for you; Jonah can’t make that choice
for you. You alone must make that choice. We will all help you. We’re a
safe bunch to take different lifestyles for a test drive.”
“I tried bratting today,” Samuel said very softly, his cheeks flushing red.
“And you didn’t like it much?”
Samuel blushed again, this time all the way up to his hairline. “It wasn’t that bad.”
“It
wasn’t that good either,” Milton said with a slight smile. “I have
plenty of beautiful boys who I regularly put over my knee. There’s no
shame to tell me you never want to go there again.”
Samuel
gave Milton an odd half smile, almost a look of longing or maybe it was
a look of relief, or maybe of embarrassment talking about the whole
thing. It had taken years to force Sheldon to a halfway intelligible
talking stage, and he wasn’t carrying the burden of either Samuel or
Jonah.
“I can’t read minds. You are going to have to tell me what you want. I know that’s hard.”
“I can’t,” Samuel mumbled.
You
can’t talk about it? You can’t be a submissive? This young man was a
thicket of unanswered questions. “You will learn.” Positive and simple
if only it were as easy as those three words. “I think we’ve had enough
of this for the day. Let’s go swimming.”
*****
Samuel
was in a pair of Sheldon’s swim trunks; as least they weren’t the
ridiculous Speedos, he’d seen in the calendar in Blade’s room. They were
long, almost to his knees, and a nice inconspicuous beige. Something
he’s seen men in Texas wear, nothing flashy.
Samuel
didn’t want to go swimming. He hurt; he was embarrassed; he’d rather
curl up on the bed and wish they would all go away for the day. It was
like living in a hive; people were always everywhere, and he had to
respond to them. Milton hadn’t insisted; he’d only asked. Or Samuel
thought he was asking; maybe he was insisting. It was so damn hard to
tell. Milton was nice. What a useless way to describe someone, but
Samuel didn’t have all that education. Four syllable words rolled off
Milton’s tongue as if everyone talked like that. Samuel wasn’t a college
boy. He wasn’t any of these things all these guys were. They were happy
and confident. They knew who in the hell they were. They weren’t a
loser from Texas who’d let his partner hit him, who couldn’t even
understand what Milton was talking about.
Samuel
caught the towel that Milton tossed at him and trailed the big man out
of the room. He’d been promised that this swimming thing was something
special. Samuel had been in indoor pools before. They were always
steamy, sort of like a greenhouse with the misters turned on, and stank
of chlorine. He liked the river where he grew up when there was enough
rain for more than mud and rocks. Texas was hot. Anything with water in
the summer was good.
Samuel
almost tripped over his own feet, staring at the pool. It looked like
they were outdoors in a lush tropical paradise, but Samuel knew they
were on the third floor of a New York high-rise. Only the first six
floors were The Forest. The rest was an office tower with a law firm
with long important sounding names in the title and a banking firm of
some sort. Jonah had found a pamphlet in the table drawer this morning.
“I told you it was nice.” Milton said in Samuel’s ear. “Sheldon’s over there. Let’s go join him.”
Sheldon
was racing through a mixture of trees, elaborate fountains, and booby
traps of falling water. He was chasing a young man whom Samuel didn’t
know and who was clothed in nothing but a gold collar, a pair of jeweled
nipple rings, and an impossibly tiny swimsuit of nearly translucent
material. He had a water pistol and was firing random shots at Sheldon
who was trying to douse him with a bucket of water.
“A little wild for you? The quiet side is on the right,” Milton said.
Samuel
looked to the right through the foliage and bright blooms of a row of
potted bushes to a quiet pool surrounded by large presumably fake rocks
and interesting and revealing sculptures. Sculptures that would have had
the police and the news media at your doorstep in less than five
minutes in Texas. Beside the sculpture were two men, oiled and
glistening in the artificial sun, sprawled against each other in a
languid pose of satisfaction without a stitch of clothing between them.
“Clothing’s
optional,” Milton said in a tone that made it sound like he was
discussing a train timetable. “The only real rule in this area is no
bodily fluids and therefore no sex.”
“Oh.”
Samuel knew his voice was high, squeaky, and shocked. Milton was a
professor. He held a respectable job, and he seemed perfectly
comfortable with this public debauchery. “Has Jonah been here?”
“Not yet, but I’m sure Gordon will bring him. Gordon and Landon both swim laps for exercise.”
Swimming
seemed to be the last thing on anyone’s mind. This was too public. Last
night he’d been dressed. Here Samuel felt naked with only the swim
trunks covering his still hot rump. He was freshly spanked, surrounded
by men who knew what the hell they were doing, who thought this was
normal.
“No
one will touch you here,” Milton whispered in Samuel’s ear, wrapping
his arm around Samuel’s shoulder. “Have fun. Ogle some of the guys. I
won’t make you stay here, but I think we should at least get Sheldon for
getting you in trouble. He hasn’t seen us yet. Milton pulled Samuel
around a lattice fence covered in climbing vines and filled four buckets
from a trough full of water. “They refrigerate this water. It’s just
above freezing.”
They
slipped around a narrow back path and were soon concealed in the
shrubbery where Sheldon was still chasing and tossing water in a
lopsided battle with the young man with the jewelry. Sheldon ran past
their hiding spot, eyes on his quarry, when Milton sprang up and in a
quick motion dumped a bucket of icy water over Sheldon’s head.
The screech was deafening. “Milton!”
“Samuel, quick the other buckets.”
Samuel
had always been a good boy. He’d never even dumped a cup of ice down
someone’s shirt in high school. Sheldon spluttering and shaking the cold
water from his hair was an irresistible target. Samuel heaved the
bucket. His aim wasn’t as good as Milton’s, but he still hit the
redhead’s chest. The second bucket splashed on the dancing legs.
“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Sheldon yelled and lunged at Samuel.
“To
the pool. It’s warm.” Milton grabbed Samuel’s arms, vaulted over some
decorative railing and flower pots and leapt in the pool, dragging
Samuel with him. Samuel surfaced, coughing water out of his lungs to see
a man in green shorts and shirt, blowing a whistle at Milton, one hand
on his hip and irate expression on his face.
“I
couldn’t resist. I haven’t done that since I was nineteen,” Milton said
apologetically. “I’ll be more careful of the indoor landscaping next
time.”
“The
top's in trouble,” Sheldon said gleefully, sitting on the pool edge,
his feet dangling in the water. “You should give him a timeout or a
couple whacks across his butt.”
“Your
boy’s right. I should give you a time out, but I’m feeling lenient. I’m
only issuing you a warning.” The lifeguard, or Samuel assumed he was a
lifeguard, pulled a yellow stretchy thing that looked like a hair band
from his pocket. “Put this around your wrist. It lets the others know
I’ve spoken with you. I’ll take it off in thirty minutes if you behave.”
“Yes, sir.” Milton slid the bracelet over his wrist and the lifeguard walked off satisfied.
“In
trouble again,” Sheldon said with a click of his tongue. “What’s a boy
to do with a top who can’t even keep himself from being chastised by a
hunk that’s a decade or more younger?”
“Boy,”
Milton roared, pulled Sheldon into the water, and leaped on his
shoulders, sending them both under in a mini tidal wave of water.
Samuel
watched; he knew he probably had a stupefied expression on his face and
his mouth agape just waiting to catch a fly, but here were too entirely
adult men leaping and plunging like overgrown children. Samuel had seen
Milton in his jacket and tie, every bit the stern but kind professor,
and now he was acting like a maniacal porpoise. Sheldon was different;
he always had an underlying sense of fun or craziness. Childish some
might call it. Samuel had seen Sheldon throw temper tantrums worthy of a
two-year-old, but it wasn’t a lack of maturity. Sheldon moved easily in
these circles in a relationship that Samuel was only now beginning to
realize how little he understood. Sheldon had tried to explain it when
they’d been out today, but Sheldon could easily have been speaking
Japanese for as much sense as it had made.
Samuel
had tried it today. He swirled the water around with his hand. He’d
been ashamed, upended over Milton’s knee. Milton had been kind, generous
beyond belief. Samuel had almost thrown Milton’s computer. He’d been
the reckless child.
“Help
me. I’m getting killed here.” Sheldon grabbed Samuel’s wrist and pulled
him into Milton’s wake. “You’re a fellow boy. Save me from the big bad
top.”
Was
he a fellow boy? He’d let Milton spank him; he’d been late
intentionally when he at least sort of understood the consequences.
“Don’t just stand there,” Sheldon shouted. “Jump on him. He’s already dunked me a dozen times; payback is only fair.”
“Samuel, it’s OK.” Milton’s arm was around Samuel’s shoulder, his touch and voice gentle. “Don’t, Sheldon.”
Sheldon
caught the edge of the pool, his slick chest rising out of the shallow
water. He had stopped immediately, but even Samuel could see the unasked
question in his eyes.
“We were playing, Samuel,” Milton said gently. “Drown the dominant. It doesn’t mean you’re a boy to join in on Sheldon’s side.”
Samuel
looked down at the water. The sharp waves from them horsing around had
settled to quiet eddies lapping at the pool edges. Milton had known. Was
he a boy? He didn’t want to get spanked again. Sheldon had said it
reset everything, made him feel better. Samuel had seen Sheldon last
night. It was...It had been beautiful, the enchanted smile on Sheldon’s
face and the moans and yips, not colored with regret but filled with
joy. It hadn’t been like that over Milton’s knee, and it had never been
that way with Jonah.
Samuel
loved Jonah. He knew that; it was one of the few things he knew. But
were they a couple like Milton and Sheldon or even Mace and Trent?
Samuel had never seen Mace and Trent do anything, but there was
something, the way Mace looked at Trent sometimes or Trent’s quiet
steadiness when any one of the men called boys was on edge. It hadn’t
been that way with Jonah. Samuel knew that now, but it hadn’t been the
way they insinuated either. Insinuated--he’d been around these men too
much using words like that. Jonah had always said he was bright enough
for college, but they’d never had the money. It wasn’t like here where
Sheldon was Milton’s spouse and entitled to all the privileges. They
couldn’t hold hands in public or say I love you on the phone. To be
found out... Samuel didn’t want to think about it. These men with all
their easy confidence. They didn’t understand; they’d never understand.
Samuel felt a hot tear slide down his face. He wiped it away. He wasn’t crying again; he’d done enough of that today.
“Sweetheart.”
The kiss on Samuel’s forehead was warm, possessive, and inappropriate
for a public place. Samuel blinked and tried to stop the scorch of hot
tears down his face. They were in public; he was a man.
“Cry.
He has the best shoulder east of the Mississippi. I should know.”
Sheldon’s smile was real, not pitying, not trying to hide his distaste
at the wreck of a man in front of him. He thought this was normal,
fucking normal to be an emotional wreck in public.
“I want to go back to my room,” Samuel croaked out in a voice he knew was far from normal.
“No.”
Milton’s denial was flat, absolute, the sound that Samuel had heard him
use with Sheldon more than once. “This is bratting, boy. Quiet,
introverted, no noisy turmoil, but bratting never the less, and brating
boys don’t get to hide.”
“No.”
It was a useless response. Samuel couldn’t muster any force. It was
sickly and pathetic. Samuel braced himself. He was arguing with Milton,
pathetically like a teddy-bear caught in a rain storm, but arguing never
the less.
“Samuel,
you are bratting right now. It doesn’t mean you are a boy.” Milton’s
voice was so quiet, so calm. It was impossible to ignore that big man in
front of him, his dark eyes warm and serious even as he squinted to see
without his glasses. “I can brat occasionally. Tilden copes with me
with his quiet lectures and endless cups of tea, or Gordon grabs me and
finds his cane. It doesn’t mean I’m a boy. It means I need something at
that moment. I am a top, and right now I think you desperately need a
top. Give me a chance to share your burden. Give me that right, but you
must give it to me. I won’t take it from you, and I’ll give it back when
you’re ready.”
Samuel
found his head nodding. He didn’t consciously move his chin up and
down; it just seemed to be happening. Milton’s arms were around him, and
he was folded hard into the wet and lightly furred chest.
“It’s my problem now. Come swim with me.”
Samuel
couldn’t resist the steady tug on his arm. He didn’t want to resist.
What had he just done? What had he given Milton? Did it matter as the
warm water lapped against his belly, as Milton gently pulled him along?
Samuel shut his eyes and let himself float. He was here now; this was
his world now, all of it from the men with the scary jewelry to the boy
with the red hot ass over someone’s knee. Oh my God! That was him. He’d
said yes.
“Don’t
think too hard.” The hand that ruffled Samuel’s hair was gentle, but
the quick toss over the broad shoulder and the dunk into the deeper
water wasn’t. “Hang on, boy.” Milton laughed as he tossed Samuel into
the air and let him drop with a resounding splash.
Samuel spluttered and splashed. “That wasn’t fair.”
“Really, boy.” Milton laughed. “Come get me and make it more fair.”
Suddenly
that was all that mattered, dunking Milton, dunking that teasing top.
Samuel scrambled for him, hanging on to those broad shoulders and trying
to tip Milton backward. He crashed into the water; Milton was still
resolutely upright.
“Top one, boy zero.”
The
whoop was deafening as Sheldon slammed into Milton’s chest. Milton came
up coughing and wiping water from his eyes. “You’re in for it now,
boys.” Water was everywhere; anyone with any sense beat a retreat, but
Samuel grabbed for Milton’s arms and Sheldon tried to scale the top’s
neck.
This
was fun, Samuel thought as he was tossed into the water. Fun. Had he
ever known what that meant? Fun, he repeated to himself.