My Man Blade 5

My Man Blade 5

Blade stopped in the doorway, admiring his man bent over the stove. How could a man be this hot scrambling a few eggs? Ryan’s pants curved over his ass, and his shirt was just tight enough that Blade could imagine the muscles rippling under the fabric.

“I’m here.” Blade knocked sharply on the doorframe half in jest, but he’d also vowed that he wasn’t eavesdropping ever again. “I didn’t want you to think I was spying,” Blade said with a wide grin and tried to lean against the doorframe in a languid, sexy pose.

“Brat,” Ryan growled, grabbing Blade by his wrist and pulling him into the kitchen. He landed a sharp swat on Blade’s butt with a spatula. “Pour the juice and get the fruit ready. I didn’t give you permission to hang about looking like a pouty model propped against the wall, all inviting and untouchable.” As if to emphasize his words, Ryan kissed Blade hard.

Blade panted as Ryan drew away. “You’re burning the eggs, mister.”

“Not yet, boy,” Ryan said with a quick glance back at the skillet. Ryan’s hand slid down Blade’s abdomen, resting on his tummy, the heat radiating through Blade’s T-shirt. Ryan leaned in and kissed Blade’s forehead before letting his lips slowly trail down Blade’s face and home in on their target.

“Oh God.” Blade sucked in the air and stared dazed at Ryan. How did he do that?

“Better, not all posed now.” Ryan laughed and swatted Blade gently. “Juice now.”

Blade fumbled in the refrigerator, finding the juice and some precut fruit.

“I see Gavin takes the easy way when he doesn’t have a boy here,” Ryan said with a snort as Blade scooped the fruit into bowls. “He would’ve beaten my ass if I’d bought fruit precut.”

“Really?” Blade hoped in some ways that Gavin was a complete asshole; it made the spying incident less shameful, not that it was a good thing. Ray liked Gavin. If Gavin was nothing but a hard ass, Ray would get hurt, and Ryan would never allow that. Ryan had been skeptical about asking Gavin about Ray’s desires, but he hadn’t dismissed the idea.

“Gavin was serious about the service side. I wasn’t allowed to use the dishwasher either unless he’d thrown a party.”

“Will he do that with Ray?”

“Probably, but Ray will like it a hell of a lot better than I did.”

“Does he have silver?”

“Oh, yeah, lots of it.”

Blade made a face. “We’re not getting silver for our wedding.”

“So we’re getting married, are we?” Ryan wrapped Blade in one of his arms and kissed the top of his head. “Would you like to share the date with your groom?”

Blade blushed and squirmed. “No. You know what I mean.”

Ryan raised an eyebrow and stayed quiet.

“Stop being obtuse.”

“Obtuse, boy? Are you picking up college speak?”

“Ugh! You know what I mean. I hate doing the silver.”

Ryan kept his arm around Blade’s waist as he plated the eggs and moved to the table. “Blade, you tell me you hate doing the silver, but I know what it does to you.” Ryan’s voice was soft, and his eyes were suddenly much too serious. The teasing was easy; this was going to be another one of those hard parts. “It’s the same thing the blasted dishwashing did for me, and I made Gavin beat me several times to get me to do it. It’s permission to zone out, to think only of the towel across the rim of plate. It’s an easy demand, and for me it was also a chance to be alone, to order my thoughts; something, I think, you don’t like. The corner is very difficult for you, sweetheart. I have you do the silver, not just to be a demanding, hard ass dom, but to try to help you find the calmness of submission. I know you want to be there.”

“God, why is it so hard for me?”

“It’s hard for everyone. Think of your brother.” Ryan gave Blade a gentle shove toward the chair. “Eat before they get cold.”

“I don’t much like scrambled eggs,” Blade whined, missing Ryan’s arm around his waist.

“When did your dietary habits change? I’ve seen you wolf down platefuls of eggs.”

“Mace puts cheese and onion in them.”

“I wouldn’t complain when your dom’s cooking.” Ryan gave Blade a stern look.

“Right. I forgot you slaved over the stove for hours making runny eggs.”

“Boy, do you want to practice some of that difficult corner time and have cold eggs to boot?”

“No, Ryan.” Blade had almost pushed too far. He’d almost missed the stop signs that Ryan was throwing out. Milton had tried to teach Blade those. Sheldon had hammed it up so hard as part of the lesson that he had ended up over Milton’s knee for real. 

“Settle, boy, or you’ll be in trouble.”

Blade stirred the eggs around on the plate. He could do this; he didn’t want corner time. Why were they always all over him? “Sheldon never gives it up. Why doesn’t Milton push him harder? Milton knows.” 

“Blade, Sheldon’s not you. You know how well we hit it off.”

Sheldon still eyed Ryan with suspicion despite everyone’s best efforts and Milton’s less and less subtle threats. Sheldon mostly kept a lid on it now, but the sting of Sheldon’s discomfort with Ryan still bothered Blade.

Ryan smiled at Blade. “It’s a good thing you’re not your brother because one of us would be arrested for homicide. My needs are very different from Milton’s.”

“Milton doesn’t make him.”

“What we see in public, I think, is very different from what Sheldon shows Milton alone. Milton enjoys the game in public, and he has his own ways to get Sheldon to the right place.”

“Sheldon fights it.” Blade pushed his eggs across the plate. “So do I.”

Ryan reached across the table and stroked Blade’s face. “Yes, you do, but it’s coming. We’ll get you there.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’m the dom, and I know everything,” Ryan said with a grin. 

“I wasn’t joking,” Blade snapped, irritated that Ryan was kidding when Blade was being serious. 

“I know you were being serious, and I know how hard this is for you.” Ryan caught Blade’s wrist in his hand and squeezed. Blade shifted as the pressure increased, but didn’t try to pull away. “I know we’ll get there because you’re mine, because I’m squeezing your wrist hard enough that it hurts and you’re not trying to pull away. Trust me, boy. We’re good together.”

Blade felt himself relax under the pressure on his wrist. It hurt, but it didn’t. He was Ryan’s.

“Good boy.” 

The pressure was gone and Blade reflexively rubbed his wrist with his other hand. He stabbed at his eggs. He was suddenly hungry.

“I have rolls from the bakery,” Gavin said, entering the kitchen with far more force than necessary. He flipped the bag of rolls onto the table and reached around and closed the outside door behind himself, never letting go of Ray’s hand. Ray seemed to want to melt into Gavin’s shadow. “Ray has one of those ghastly coffee drinks he says you’re crazy about, full of steamed milk and several strange flavors. Coffee’s supposed to taste like coffee, not chocolate and cinnamon.” Gavin took the drink from Ray’s other hand and put it on the table. “I thought you might need this. I heard this morning before I got us both out of the house.” Gavin’s tone had changed from hale and almost too loud to soft and obviously sincere. His hand slid down Blade’s back in a gesture of wordless comfort. “You both OK?”

Blade only nodded, but Ryan answered with more of the painful truth on which he was so insistent. “We’re a little shaken up, but getting there.”

“I’d like to speak to Blade alone. He safeworded in my house. I have responsibilities,” Gavin said formally.

“Blade, are you all right with that?”

Blade nodded again. He didn’t think he could refuse Gavin, but this wasn’t on his priority list. He’d rather avoid Gavin for the duration.

“You can say no.” Gavin’s hand brushed down Blade’s back again. “This is a real question, and this is not to make you feel worse.”

“I’d rather get it out of the way.”

“I’m not planning on torturing you.”

Blade had his doubts about that. Gavin was a powerful dominant. That was obvious in the way Ray clung to his hand with a look of awe on his face, but not fear. Ray had known Gavin for what, all of forty-eight hours, and it was clear he adored him and trusted a man who should terrify him. Gavin didn’t cloak the raw power that rolled off him.

“Ryan, you can veto this.”

Ryan looked over at Blade. “This is his choice.”

“I want to talk to Gavin,” Blade said with more conviction than he felt. He wasn’t fragile. He’d fallen apart like an idiot, but he wasn’t fragile.

Gavin reached into his back pocket and withdrew his wallet. “Ryan, take Ray shopping. We’re not in Florida. I enjoy admiring his legs, but shorts in November is above the call of duty.” Ray flushed and tried to scrunch his body into an even tinier spot behind Gavin. “Beautiful boys shouldn’t hide.”

“Gav,” Ray practically moaned.

Gavin clicked his tongue in disapproval and pulled Ray forward. “A boy of mine is proud and lets himself be seen, and it’s my responsibility to make sure my boy is properly protected. That includes not allowing you to get hypothermia because you strangely thought the northeast coast had a tropical climate.”

“It was warmer yesterday, and I like shorts,” Ray stammered. “I don’t have enough money.”

“I don’t think buying you a pair of pants counts as being a kept boy, and it wasn’t that warm yesterday.”

“They were all I had.” Ray chewed on his lower lip, his eyes on the floor.

Gavin gave Ray a slight push into Ryan’s arms. Ray looked beseechingly at Gavin, but held his tongue. “Use the boys’ card,” Gavin continued, handing Ryan a credit card. “Same rules as always.”

“Meaning two things,” Ryan said in that easy voice of his which could make the craziest explanations seem sound and logical. “Unreasonable purchases will come out of our hide, and this credit card can be used at any time for food and shelter if the submissive finds a need to flee from Gavin’s care. I assume you’ll get one in Ray’s name?”

“I won’t keep a boy here without it. I don’t want a submissive staying because he feels financially trapped. It’s willing submission, not blackmail. You don’t have the same arrangement for Blade?” Gavin asked, the disapproval evident in his tone.

“Blade’s a Green Mountain Boy. He has their resources at his disposal in an emergency plus Milton and Sheldon, and he has a credit card in his own name which he pays with his own resources. And between Milton and Gordon I’d be beyond dead if I treated my boy unfairly.”

“The legendary Green Mountain Boys.” Gavin snorted. “The cure might be worse than the disease.”

“Milton’s less rigid, and they’re very conscious of safety and consent.”

“Gordon’s good with a distressed sub; I’ve seen him. Take Ray shopping. This is an argument neither of us will win.”

“Yes, sir,” Ryan said with a formality that surprised Blade. He hadn’t thought they were arguing, but Ryan had yielded gracefully without any specific demand to yield. He’d submitted smoothly and effortlessly, and he was a dominant. Blade couldn’t do that, and he was a submissive.

“Out.” Gavin shooed them toward the door.

Blade watched them go, swallowing hard as he turned back toward Gavin. Alone Gavin was even more intimidating than he was with Ryan. “I’m sorry about earlier.” Blade stumbled over the words; he knew his face was flushed. 

“I know you are, kiddo.” Gavin ran his hand down Blade’s back before grabbing a chair and straddling it. “What’s your safeword?”

“Limerick,” Blade answered, mystified by the conversation. They weren’t planning a scene; they were talking in a kitchen that still smelled of scrambled eggs.

“When do you use it?”

“When I want everything to stop.”

“Do you have a word that means slow down?”

Blade shook his head.

“Your word to slow down is yellow. Repeat your safewords.”

“Whatever,” Blade said with a shrug.

“No not whatever.” Gavin caught Blade’s chin in his hand. “Look at me, boy.” He waited until Blade looked into those intense gray eyes. “I’m not Ryan. We don’t know each other well. I’m going to ask you some difficult questions, and while I will demand that you answer them truthfully if it is too intense I want you to have the ability to retake control. You will safeword if you cannot tolerate it. What are your safewords, boy?”

“Yellow to slow down. Limerick to stop,” Blade said, humoring the man in front of him.

“Good boy.” Gavin stoked Blade’s hair. “You are a bold and brash boy. What made you safeword today?”

Blade swallowed and pushed his fork around his empty plate. 

Gavin grabbed the plate and put it up on the counter. “Both hands on the table. Put your right hand over your left wrist.” Gavin dropped his hand over Blade’s two. “Consider yourself bound.”

“Whatever.” Blade shrugged, pretending nonchalance.

“It’s not whatever,” Gavin said sharply. “Your pupils just dilated, and your breath quickened. Do you not like bondage?”

“I don’t like sitting still and playing games with someone I don’t know,” Blade snapped.

“It’s not the games. You like games. This feels real to you. This morning was real to you, and that’s hard. It’s all right to admit that it’s hard.”

“Whatever,” Blade repeated, trying to assume the air of boredom.

“Blade, it would be easy for you if you goad me into spanking you, wouldn’t it? You like that. Ryan has to work very hard to make it anything but an erotic thrill. Ryan’s a very tactile dominant. He like’s a submissive that he can spank. The hand against flesh does make a beautiful sound.” Gavin smiled in a way that did nothing to reassure Blade, but instead suggested that racing from the room, feigning a sudden intestinal ailment might be a good plan. “I know how to spank, whip, and flog. I enjoy doing that for a submissive’s pleasure, and I will punish with any and all tools available. Ryan can give you all the gory details if he so desires, but I’m a cerebral dominant. My brain and my voice are my most powerful tools when I dominate. Sitting still and listening are not your best skills.”

“Look I’ve been talked at by the best. It’s not like I haven’t been a submissive for the last three years. Milton can talk; he’s a history teacher. He goes into lecture mode at the drop of a hat. ‘The economic reforms at the start of the twentieth century were inadequate to sustain the reign of the Romanov dynasty and may have hastened their downfall.”

“And you go into glib, babbling mode at the same drop of a hat. Quiet, boy,” Gavin growled. “Does Ryan ever gag you?”

“No.” Blade tried to sound self-assured, but the thought of a gag sounded terrifying. He hadn’t been able to cope with the restrictions on sight and hearing. What if Ryan had included voice?

“That frightens you?” Gavin ran his thumb down the back of Blade’s hand. “I’ll keep that in mind in case this turns ugly.”

“Well, then I wouldn’t have to answer your questions.” Blade tried to give Gavin one of his careless grins that everyone found so charming.

“You’d rather talk than be silent and still. Blade, I’ve done this a long time, and you’re transparent, boy. Reflection is not something you do easily. Does Ryan make you keep a journal?”

Blade nodded and made a face. He hated the damn thing. It was Milton who had started it, and Ryan continued the tradition. Blade knew he avoided the true purpose. He wrote drivel in his journal, a detailed description of the weather or the lady in the funny hat on the train. He avoided writing about his feelings.”

“Will you write about today, about safewording?”

Blade shrugged again. He’d mention it, but he already knew he’d spend more time writing about Ray going to buy pants with Ryan.

“You’ll write about Ray needing pants and Ryan cooking scrambled eggs for breakfast, won’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“Come with me.”

Blade found himself practically being dragged from the kitchen and up two flights of stairs. Gavin flicked on the lights on the third floor landing and opened a door into an attic that smelled of cedar and was piled high with boxes and trunks of all sizes. Gavin seemed to know what he was looking for as he moved several boxes labeled summer slipcovers and opened a battered footlocker. He pulled out a leather bound book, worn with several pages marked with different color ribbon.

“This was the journal my master made me keep. He read it and annotated it.” Gavin flipped to a page marked with a red ribbon. “Today master made me talk. I’m writing this on my stomach. I hurt so badly that master took pity on me and brought me dinner. He called me stubborn and hard headed.” Gavin flipped to the next page. “This is what my master wrote in reply. ‘You are stubborn and hard headed, my boy, and I love you for it, and someday your own boy will love you for it, but it hurt you today. You have a safeword. You chose to try to outlast me, and you took the consequences. I hope your tongue will be looser next time we talk because your backside cannot take an infinite number of licks.’ He was right about that. God, I was sore for days, and I do not find being on the receiving end of a switch erotic.” Gavin shivered. “Three hours with your hands on a chair, ass in the air, and pants around your ankles was not a moment I repeated. I still had trouble talking, but master would lay the switch on the table and make me stand and reread this passage. I’d talk.” Gavin gave Blade a wry grin. “God, I’d spill my guts about anything. I hated him for it then, but...” Gavin’s face grew wistful, and Blade thought he saw him blink back a tear. “When I really needed it, I was glad I knew how. It probably saved my life. I know it saved my sanity.”

“He switched you for three hours?”

“No, silly.” Gavin tousled Blade’s hair. “He made me stay over the chair and periodically switched me when he thought I was being less than forthcoming which was far too often. Trust me on that.”

“You wouldn’t do that with me?” Blade turned away and tried to hide his concern. He was usually confident with people. Why did Gavin leave him feeling unsure and exposed? Maybe it was Ryan’s reaction to Gavin. Gavin hadn’t been easy on Ryan. That first night had to have been hell, but Ryan didn’t begrudge Gavin his affection. Ryan liked the guy. Milton had been so careful with Blade’s introduction to the process, not that Milton didn’t spank hard. He just hadn’t done shock therapy, over the table practically the first time they met.

“Do you think I would?” Gavin caught Blade’s arm and turned him back toward the older dom.

“I don’t know.” Blade looked up into Gavin’s gray eyes. They looked compassionate. A slow smile crossed half of Gavin’s face and then disappeared. 

“Has Ryan been telling tales out of class?” Gavin ruffled Blade’s hair when he didn’t answer. “I don’t mind that Ryan told you about his time with me. It’s his tale to tell, and I’m actually glad he’s told you some of it. When you’re feeling beat up by your man, you know Ryan’s been there, and he understands and sympathizes with you far more than you sometimes realize. Ryan loves you, kiddo.” 

“He’s told me a little,” Blade said, trying to capture a self-confidence that he couldn’t seem to find. 

“Ryan was a young dominant. You’re a submissive. I don’t handle them the same way.”

“You made Ryan submit.” Blade pulled away from Gavin and flipped through a pile of old magazines on a scratched and wobbly table.

“My table from my first apartment. I bought it at a church rummage sale. I should return the favor, but it has sentimental value. Silly really. It’s nothing but a piece of junk.”

“You’re a pack rat.”

“One of my many flaws, and this house has plenty of room for stuff. Should I show you my collection of Hummels?” 

“You have Hummels?” Blade couldn’t imagine Ryan with smiling elves and cherubs on a mantle.

“Courtesy of the only person in my family who could stand my perverted self. I’m older than you, and my family wasn’t very enlightened.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve made my peace with it, and at least I didn’t get my mother’s lace curtains, commemorative plate collection, or the chintz sofa.”

Blade ran his hand over the rough surface of the table. “What will you do to me if I don’t answer the question?” Blade asked, swinging around to look at Gavin.

“What is effective persuasion for you? Perhaps a guided tour of my Hummel collection or maybe an hour of needlepoint.”

“You don’t needlepoint?” 

“No, I don’t, but I do know how to sew. My master was a tailor, and I wasn’t given a choice.”

“Did he make you sew as punishment?”

“I know, kid, it was pretty awful. He made me sew on buttons. He cut them off my shirts, tossed me a pile of shirts and a jumble of buttons, and said that we’d talk when I was finished.”

“You wouldn’t do that?!”

“I’d have to teach you first, and somehow, I think, teaching you to sew would require more patience than I possess. I did teach Ryan. At least one partner needs to know how to put a button on in a pinch.”

“I’m not helpless.”

Gavin smiled. Blade almost did a double take. When Gavin fully smiled, he had an uncanny resemblance to a kindly school teacher with gentle eyes and a warm welcoming expression. “I never said you were, but you are impatient and all over the place. Learning a skill with your hands requires patience and the ability to sit still.”

“I sit still in class,” Blade protested.

“And it’s hard for you.”

It was hard for Blade. He doodled in his notebook and his mind wandered. Milton had figured it out way too quickly and ruthlessly managed Blade’s study time by dragging Blade out for forced exercise and then putting him at Milton’s feet with his reading. Blade could half concentrate if he was leaning on a top’s legs.

“Blade, we’ve talked ourselves in circles. Why did you safeword today?” The kindly school teacher or friendly uncle was gone. Gavin looked all top again, his gray eyes boring into Blade.

“I didn’t like what Ryan was doing.”

“Didn’t like? I’m sure Ryan often makes you do things you don’t much like. You don’t safeword every time he punishes you.”

Blade licked his lips and stepped back. Gavin closed the gap and leaned into Blade’s personal space. “I can’t do this.”

“You can’t or you won’t?” Gavin moved closer, driving Blade back stumbling over boxes until his shoulders connected with the wall. “If you can’t, safeword; if you won’t, I can help you.”

“I don’t want to do this.”

“Want,” Gavin repeated, highlighting the word and somehow stepping closer to Blade.

Blade tried to shrink away from the hot breath on his cheek. He didn’t want to talk about this, not with Ryan, not with Gavin. Gavin’s face was so close that Blade could see the slight staining on his teeth and the short hairs coming from his nose. “I hate this. I hate you.” Blade put his hands on Gavin’s chest and pushed.

“You hate standing here and talking to me, and I thought we were getting along and you wanted to see my Hummel collection.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your Hummel collection!” Blade shouted and twisted around, trying to get away from Gavin. There was no room; to his right was a lamp with a broken shade and to his left a set of cheap bookcases with peeling lacquer and overflowing with textbooks. 

“What are your safewords?” Gavin asked calmly.

“Yellow for slow. That’s your safeword, and limerick for stop,” Blade snarled.

“Do you want to use them?”

“Fuck! No! I don’t want to play this game!”

“You know how to make it stop. Give me your hands.” Blade obeyed automatically, and Gavin pinned Blade’s wrists together and lifted them over his head. “Why did you safeword today?”

“I don’t like the dark. OK! I don’t like the dark,” Blade repeated. “I’ve told you. Now let me go.”

Gavin leaned his hip into Blade, twisted around, and grabbed a string hanging from a cluster of light bulbs. The room was flooded in bright white light. “Breathe for me. It’s not dark in here.”

“No it’s interrogation bright now. Do you want to rip my fingernails out too?”

“You shift from frantic to snark in a hurry, boy. You know what I think,” Gavin said slowly, as if he were savoring every word. “I think your snark often covers your franticness. It’s a good disguise. Why are you afraid of the dark?”

“I don’t know. I just am.”  Blade thunked his head against the wall, but didn’t try to pull away. Gavin’s hand on his wrists was steadying him, not forcing him in place. Blade drew a ragged breath and tried to steady himself. He knew this game. He was safe here. Gavin had him.

“Good boy.”

Blade felt his shoulders relax at the praise. Only silly words but they did that to him. It was how this worked for him.

Gavin’s hand skimmed across Blade’s forehead and snaked through his hair. “Ryan’s beautiful boy. Breathe for me. That’s right.”

Blade forced the air in an out of his lungs. He concentrated on feeling each breath. He knew he was sinking into headspace. He couldn’t seem to stop himself, not with Gavin so close, not with Blade’s arms pinned over his head.

“Why are you afraid of the dark?”

Blade thrashed from side to side. Gavin had moved closer, pinning Blade with his body.

“Why are you afraid of the dark?” Gavin repeated relentlessly. “Tell me, boy.”

“It was a long time ago.” Blade shivered. He’d been so afraid. No one could hear him. “We were playing hide and seek. I was so afraid.”

“Go on.” Gavin’s voice was soft, but persistent and impossible to disobey.

“Sheldon, my brother, told me to hide in this big trunk that mom used to store winter blankets.” Blade took a quick breath. It had been so dark. He couldn’t get the lid off.

“Slow breaths, boy. What happened?”

“They forgot about me. I couldn’t get the lid off. It was too heavy.” Blade started to cry. He couldn’t stop himself. Oh God. Oh God.

“How did you get out?” Gavin questioned, breaking through Blade’s fog of remembrance with his voice.

“Dad found me. He was so mad at Sheldon. Shit! It was only a game.”

“How old were you?”

“Four or five. I don’t really remember. It was so dark.” Blade’s voice broke, and the tears streamed down his face.

“Good boy.” Gavin’s arms were around Blade. “Dark, stuck in a box, and only a child. You had every right to be terrified.”

“It was only a game. I should be over it.”

“No, you shouldn’t. You were only a child. You weren’t prepared to be locked in a box. I’m an expert at bondage games, and I can fry a capable and competent adult male if I don’t prepare him right for intense sensory deprivation and bondage. You were four or five and stuck in a blanket chest.”

“It wasn’t bondage. It was hide and seek. We were kids. It was only a stupid game.”

“No it wasn’t a game. It stopped being a game when you found yourself in that chest. The fear was real. You were right to be afraid. You weren’t an adult who could rationalize that someone would come into the room, open the lid, and release you. Fear is a strange thing. A little bit can be a great rush, but uncontrolled quantities is soul destroying.”

Blade pulled out of Gavin’s arms and wiped at his wet face with his sleeve. “This is stupid. I’m OK.”

“You aren’t stupid; you were afraid. What happened today when you safeworded?”

“I didn’t know I had. Ryan had me in his arms. It was all over. I was safe. It was so quick.” Blade tried to smile. “I think I scared the shit out of him. I was OK; I think more OK than he was.”

“Ryan didn’t know about dearest Sheldon and the blanket chest?”

“I love my brother.”

“I’m sure you do, but that wasn’t nice. He was old enough to know better, wasn’t he?”

Blade nodded. Sheldon had known. They’d just wanted the baby out of the way.

“You’re the youngest. They thought you were in the way, didn’t they?”

“Yes,” Blade croaked.

Gavin grabbed Blade’s chin and forced the boy’s eyes onto the top’s face. “Ryan will never find you in the way. He will never leave you alone with any sort of bondage or sensory deprivation. He loves you, and he takes his responsibilities as a dominant very seriously. I made sure of that,” Gavin said with a low chuckle. Gavin released Blade’s chin and rubbed the back of his neck. “Let yourself trust. Ryan’s very trustworthy.” Gavin kissed Blade’s forehead. “Now you’ve been a very good boy, and I think you deserve a reward. Let’s go back to the kitchen.”

Blade galloped down the stairs behind Gavin’s long strides. Despite the redness he knew was in his eyes and the sodden feeling of his shirt sleeve that he’d used to wipe his face, he felt better, lighter.

“You get wild boy, don’t you?” Gavin asked, smiling, as they almost collided in the kitchen. “And I’m going to feed you coffee. I need my head examined.” Gavin put Blade’s cup in the microwave and dumped the sweet rolls from the bag. He fiddled with his own coffee pot, and the kitchen was soon filled with the smell of brewing coffee.

“So do I get a prize?”

Gavin laughed and ruffled Blade’s hair. “You do have a mercurial temper, boy. Your Ryan’s boy, so the real fun stuff is out.” Gavin winked. “But I think I owe you a bit of my history. I made you spill your guts and turnabout is fair play.” Gavin ran his fingers through his hair before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet. Slowly he took out two snapshots, caressing the worn and faded photos as he set them on the table. “That was Zach.” Gavin’s tone sounded choked, and he busied himself getting a cup and saucer.

“Who was Zach?” Blade fingered the photos. In one a much younger Gavin had his arm around the shoulders of a man with dark curly hair and vivid blue eyes. They were both laughing and smiling at the camera. In the other, Zach was perched on a sofa arm in a plaid bathrobe with a present wrapped in gold paper with a big silver bow on his lap.

“My first boy.” Gavin poured his coffee and took a long sip. “You heard me this morning with Ryan.”

“I didn’t understand most of it.” Blade looked from the picture back to Gavin. “You don’t have to tell me this. It’s not my business.”

Gavin leaned against the counter, his hand clutching the coffee cup. He smiled slowly and sadly. “You didn’t have to tell me either, but you did, and you feel better now. It’s the same with Zach. I know that. Master made me talk about it for days, Ryan knows; you will know, and I will tell Ray. Not today, but I’ll tell him. I want your promise that you won’t tell him.” Gavin drew his head up and stared at Ryan, his authority creeping back into his expression.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good boy.”  Gavin sat in the chair opposite of Blade and picked up the photos. His voice was soft, but steady. “This was Zachary. He was my first boy; the only boy I’ve ever taken home the way Ryan took you home. I loved that boy.” Gavin rubbed his thumb across the picture. He brought the picture to his lips and kissed it. “I loved you, kiddo, but I couldn’t make it work.”

Blade scooted his chair closer and reached out for Gavin’s hand. It was the only comfort he knew to offer. “You don’t have to tell me this.”

“I want to tell you.” Gavin squeezed Blade’s hand. “Even for me, the tough senior dom, this isn’t easy.”

“What happened?” Blade asked. Gavin had made it easier by asking. Blade could at least return that favor. He didn’t know what else to do. He wasn’t sure he should be privy to this information. Gavin was Ryan’s friend. He didn’t know this man, but Gavin had taken the time for Blade. He’d made Blade feel better. Blade wasn’t sure how talking in a dusty, cluttered attic had made him feel better, but it had.

“He died,” Gavin said in a flat voice.

“How?” He was so young. How could he have died?

“Heroin.” Gavin took another sip of coffee. “I picked Zach up at a club, or maybe he picked me up. He knew how to play the doms. I was young and naive then. I didn’t do my due diligence. I knew Zach had some history; I could see the disapproving looks from some of the senior, established doms, but I wanted him. I loved him. I thought I could fix the world.”

“He overdosed?” Blade asked, feeling shocked by the revelations.

“Eventually.” Gavin ran his finger around the rim of the coffee cup. “I sent him to rehab twice. I would have given anything to make it better.” Gavin swallowed hard and brushed at his face, unsuccessfully hiding the wetness in his eyes. “You’re making the big, bad dom cry.” 

Blade stood up and looped his arms over Gavin’s shoulders. “I think it’s OK to cry. That’s what Ryan’s always telling me.”

“Ryan’s a smart man. You should listen to him.” Gavin took another sip of coffee. “The third time I offered to send him to rehab again, but I told him he couldn’t be my submissive, that I couldn’t play with someone whom I couldn’t trust. He took his keys, the emergency cash I had in a drawer, and the clothes on his back. I never saw him alive again. Six months later I identified his body for the police. They’d found him dead in a crack house. My card was in his wallet. He could’ve stayed here. I would have taken him back. He could have lived here forever. He didn’t have to die alone.” Gavin hid his face in his hands and his shoulders shook with silent sobs.

“It’s OK. Cry.” The words sounded stupid even to Blade’s ears, but he’d heard them enough times, and they seemed to help. Maybe somehow they’d help now.

“I’m OK now.” Gavin pushed himself away from the table, went to the sink, and splashed water on his face. “It hurts. It will always hurt, but it’s better now than it used to be.” Gavin half smiled. “It’s been awhile since I’ve done that. You got treated to the full works. This was supposed to be a reward, letting you hear some of the secrets you were straining so hard to find out this morning. Some reward. You OK?” He kissed the top of Blade’s head and grabbed a sugared pastry off the plate.

“Yeah. You?”

“Don’t mind me. I’m just a soggy-eyed old dominant. You’ll never be scared of me again.”

“I don’t know about that. You were pretty scary upstairs. You’re good at it.”

“I’m a professional,” Gavin said in a strange offhand manner. “It’s what I do--own clubs and train people.” Gavin ran his fingers though his hair. “Who am I kidding here?” He smacked his fist on the table, rattling the dishes. “I met your sweet little friend, and my life just went to hell in a hand basket. He’s not a submissive I’m straightening out for someone. He surrendered to me, and I fell for him like a friggin rock, not even time to gasp for air before I sunk into the deep waters. I should know better.”

“He doesn’t do drugs, sir.” Blade wasn’t sure why he added the honorific, but it just felt right. “He’s a very nice boy.”

“A very nice boy who is going to be entangled with an old and cantankerous dominant who could scar him for life. I’m not an easy dominant. I want things that will send him screaming for mommy.”

“How do you know?” Blade shot around the table, perching on the corner right in Gavin’s face. “He wants to surrender. You give him that.”

“He surrenders beautifully,” Gavin said, his eyes almost dreamy. “He’s so beautiful.”

“I don’t see the problem. Keep him.”

Gavin laughed. “You sound like Ryan. That’s what he said, but he added that he’d slap me silly if I didn’t quit telling him how old and tough I was.”

“We’re already fucking crazy according to most of the world out there. What’s one more unorthodox detail?”

“Ray deserves what’s best for him.”

“And you’re not best for him?”

“I want to tie him up, beat him, and fuck his brains out.”

“And that’s not best for him?”

“He’s naive, gentle, sweet.”

“And he’s not made out of porcelain. He might not be able to tell you he wants plundered by Neanderthal man, but I think that’s pretty high on his agenda. He’s a fucking submissive. Teach him how to do it. Isn’t that what you told me? You’re a fucking professional dominant? Well, teach your boy.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why the fuck not?” Blade shouted. “Ray’s not stupid. He fell for you when you were chewing a new one on Matt. He knows you’re a dominant, and he knows you can be scary as hell, and he wants that. Give it to him.”

“Boy.” Gavin had stood up, and his voice had dropped at least two octaves. “Do you always shout?”

Blade swallowed hard. This was a dom standing in front of him and a pissed off dom from the look he was getting. “No, sir. Sorry, sir.”

Gavin tousled Blade’s hair and grinned. “You’re an impossible boy. I can see why Ryan’s so in love with you. Now finish your coffee with no more shouting.” Gavin paused. The overwhelming sense of dominance seemed to shift to something more complete, more real. “And I think you’re right, boy. I think you’re right.”

“I’m always right,” Blade said with a wide grin.

“Oh no you don’t. I know how to take down cocky boys. Sit in your chair and behave.” Gavin gave Blade a push off the corner of the table and a hard swat to the hip. “Your manners, boy. I’ll have to speak to Ryan about it.”

*

“You guys still in the kitchen? What an exciting bunch!” Ryan was smiling, but Blade could tell by the quick glances he was shooting at Gavin that he was surprised and maybe a bit concerned. “You guys ate all the pastries.” Ryan ran his finger over the plate of crumbs and brought a dusting of crumbs to his lips. “Can you believe these pigs? We go on an exhausting shopping expedition, and they eat all the sweets and drink all the coffee.”

“I’m not hungry,” Ray said softly from behind Ryan’s great bulk.

“And I listened to your stomach growl all the way back. Come out from behind me.” Ryan caught Ray’s wrist and pulled him forward.

Ray’s was dressed in khakis and a blue cashmere sweater that highlighted the color of his eyes. His hair was different, no longer covering his eyes, but styled and a touch shorter.

“Wow! Come here, beautiful.” Gavin stood up, captured both Ray’s arms. Ray flushed tomato red, but didn’t resist as Gavin pulled him close. “Whose idea was the hair?”

“Mine.” Ray peeked at Gavin before dropping his eyes and flushing more. “You kept brushing it back and saying you couldn’t see me.” Ray’s voice faltered. “I wanted you to see me.”

“My beautiful boy.” Gavin kissed Ray, long and slow. Ray melted against Gavin as the kiss continued, his body boneless against Gavin’s chest. “My beautiful boy.”

“You like it?”

“I love it. I love that you did it for me.”

“I want to please you.” Ray’s voice was hardly more than a whisper.

“You do please me. You please me in ways you can’t imagine. You’re wonderful.” Gavin kissed Ray’s forehead and pushed him to arms length. “Let me feast my eyes on you.”

Ray flushed again and shifted in Gavin’s grasp, his eyes on the floor.

“No, boy. You should be proud you’re being admired. Look at me. I’m not much for eyes on the floor unless we’re doing a scene that requires a subservient boy. I like to see my boy.”

“Yes, sir.” Ray lifted his eyes, drawing in a deep breath as if to steady himself.

“Beautiful. My good boy. I do like you in clothes that aren’t three sizes too big. I expect though I’d liked you better in no clothes as all.”

Ray flushed wildly. His eyes darting toward Blade and Ryan.

“Don’t panic. They’re in the lifestyle. It’s OK for them to know, and you’re not quite ready to strip in front of them, no matter how much I’d like to put my hands on your skin without wool and cotton in the way.”

“I’m scared.” Ray bit his lip. Blade was sure Ray hadn’t meant to say those words, but they’d just popped out

“Of course you are,” Gavin said in a practical tone and pulled Ray between his knees, wrapping an arm around the boy. “A lot’s happened in the last forty-eight hours. You just found out you’re a submissive, and you like things that, well, some would describe as weird, and that’s being charitable. You liked what I did to you last night.”

“Oh God,” Ray groaned, squirming around so he could bury his head in Gavin’s chest.

“It’s OK. Blade likes what Ryan does to him also or at least usually.” Gavin’s hands must have found their way under Ray’s sweater with the way Ray way was shuddering and blushing. “You like that?”

“They’re people here.”

“Our friends are here, a fellow submissive and a dominant. This is my house; this is OK here. We’re not on the street; we’re not in church. We’re at home where it’s safe. Blade, do you have any marks on you?”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“I’m a little pink.” Blade felt a flush rise on his face.

“Ryan should mark you; you’d like it. Strip for me.”

Blade looked over at Ryan, knowing he was flushing easily as much as Ray. He stripped for Ryan; it could be kind of fun. But here with Gavin and Ray...

“You’re wearing too many clothes, boy,” Ryan said, leaning against the counter and folding his arms across his massive chest.

Shit and double shit. He was going to have to do this. He pulled his shirt over his head and fumbled with the zipper and snap on his jeans. He felt the painful heat in his cheeks as he stood up to slip his pants off. Boxers now. He had to take them off. They slid down his legs too quickly, and he stood with them puddled around his feet.

“Turn around,” Gavin growled. “Let me see all of you.”

Beyond embarrassed, Blade did a quick turn.

“Much too white. You need to fix that, Ryan.”

Blade didn’t feel white. He felt flaming red all over.

“Come here.” Ryan wrapped Blade in his big arms. “Too much?”

Blade wanted to say yes; he wanted to run for his clothes like a Victorian maiden, but--Shit!--this was a thrill. He didn’t want to admit it. 

“Blade, you OK?” Ryan lifted Blade’s chin with a finger and kissed his lips, softly, almost chastely.

“Yeah,” Blade mumbled. 

Ryan ran his hand down the inside of Blade’s thigh, just tickling the edges of the most sensitive areas. Blade squirmed, but couldn’t seem to stop himself from spreading his legs.

“Good boy. You’re the one who organizes naked swim parties,” Ryan whispered in Blade’s ear. His tongue lapped the edge and disappeared.

Blade groaned and fell back against Ryan. Could they get out of this kitchen? He wanted Ryan all to himself.

“I think you’d better get dressed before I do something that’s best not shown in public.” Ryan slapped Blade’s ass and pushed him toward his clothes.

Blade scrambled for his clothes. He wanted to hide his cock that had firmly decided limp wasn’t the ideal state. God, he had liked this, stripping for Ryan, letting Ryan touch him, letting Ryan touch him in front of Ray and Gavin.

“Very nice,” Gavin said with a grin. “Pity that you’re hiding it so quick.”

Grr. “You’re killing me.” Blade pulled up his pants and zipped them as fast as he could.

“And you’re loving it,” Gavin said with a laugh. “Ryan, you do have to show him off more. He’s lovely. He’d be even more lovely with a few marks on his backside and a ring in his nipple.”

“Gavin,” Ryan growled. “Don’t torture my boy.”

“Ah, but he likes this sort of torture. You need to play with him.”

“Ry,” Blade pleaded.

Ryan reached out and captured Blade in his arms. Blade let himself be drawn into the heat of Ryan’s chest. It was warm and safe here, and he was dressed.

“So what did you think?” Ryan asked softly after Blade had a chance to catch his breath.

“About what?” Blade asked, trying to find his most innocent voice.

“Brat. You know about what.” Ryan landed a swat on Blade’s thigh. “Should I have you undress again?”

Blade pulled away and gave Ryan a pleading look, making his eyes as wide as possible. “I’ll be a good boy. I promise.”

“Sweet and innocent is not your shtick,” Ryan said with a laugh and pulled Blade close again. “You’re relaxed. What did you and Gavin do when we were out of the house?”

“Don’t you even suggest it.” Blade swatted at Ryan. “We talked.”

Ryan ran his fingers through Blade’s hair. “It obviously helped.”

“Both of us,” Gavin said. “Blade, there are things you need to tell Ryan.”

“I know,” Blade said softly, “but do I have to do it now. I feel good right now.”

“By tomorrow. I will ask, and if you haven’t I won’t be joking around about your skin being pale and unmarked. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir.” Blade knew a threat when he heard it. He’d tell Ryan. He’d told Gavin. How hard could it be to tell Ryan?

“Blade and I will get lunch together. Why don’t you two go relax.”

“Ryan, I know a ‘get out of here, so I can talk to my boy alone’ when I hear it,” Gavin said. “We’ll be somewhere else.” Gavin stood, took Ray by the hand, and dragged him out of the kitchen.

“They’re going to be good together,” Blade said as they disappeared.

“Hmm. So what happened today?” Ryan brushed Blade’s hair back and studied his eyes. “You’ve been crying, and I thought Gavin had also. What happened?”

“We talked. He took me into the attic.”

“The attic?”

“It’s full of junk. Does he ever throw out anything?”

“Blade, you’re changing the subject. What did you talk about?”

“I’m starving. What are we having for lunch?”

“Blade.” 

Blade heard the warning in the tone, and it wasn’t Ryan’s I’m playing tone, but a serious tone of I’m concerned and you need to straighten out. “We just talked.”

Ryan crossed his arms. Dammit that man knew it made him even bigger and more intimidating. He trained a steady glare at Blade. “Do I need to make you talk? Did Gavin make you talk?”

“Sort of.” Blade licked his lips and swallowed. “Gavin can be intimidating at this.”

“Gavin is very, very good at what he does. So what did you talk about?”

“About me safewording.”

“And?” Ryan shifted his hips against the counter. 

“I told him more than I told you.”

“I kind of assumed that since Gavin told you to tell me. Blade, sweetheart, I’m not mad you told Gavin.” Ryan smiled gently. “Sometimes it’s easier to tell someone else first, and Gavin makes it pretty damn impossible to avoid the questions. I lived with him; I know.”

“You’re too nice to me.”

“So you want me to be a meanie?” Ryan said with a laugh.

“No. Yes.” Blade ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m not making much sense.”

“Tell me what you two talked about.”

“Sheldon locked me in a trunk when we were playing hide and seek. I couldn’t get out. I was terrified.” Blade let the words tumble out as fast as possible. “Don’t be mad at Sheldon. He was only a kid.”

“And a lot older than you,” Ryan growled.

“It wasn’t his fault.”

“I think locking you in a trunk was very much his fault, but I understand it was years ago. Don’t worry. I’m not going to take my belt to Sheldon.”

“He’s terrified of belts.”

“I know that too. Blade, I’m not mad at Sheldon, and I’m not mad at you, but it’s a good you told me. It puts bondage and sensory deprivation in a whole new light.” Ryan grimaced. “Bad pun not intended.” Ryan ran his fingers through Blade’s hair. “I have to know these things to keep you safe. It’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and if you don’t tell me what’s going on in your head I could cause damage. This is about trust, and we’ve had these conversations before. You can’t fake it with me the way you do with everyone out there. You’re my boy. I deserve to know.”

“I know.” Blade wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Don’t make me cry again. I’m all cried out.”

“Get over here.”

Blade moved to Ryan, his throat dry. He didn’t think he was in trouble, but he wasn’t sure.

“My precious boy.” Ryan’s arms circled Blade in a crushing hug. “Sometimes you’re impossible, but I love you anyway. Did you talk about anything else?”

“Zach.”

Ryan’s hand moved to the back of Blades neck, massaging and holding at the same time. “It took him a year to tell me. You OK?”

“Poor Gavin.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“He wants Ray. He told me not to tell Ray.”

“It’s his secret to tell. You will respect that.” Ryan pulled Blade’s chin up and looked directly into his eyes. “You understand me here?”

“Yes, Ryan.”

Ryan smiled softly. “He’ll tell Ray when the time’s right. He doesn’t want to burden Ray with those expectations. He wants Ray to make the choice without pressure. This is all new to Ray.”

“It’s so natural for Ray. He melts against Gavin.”

“It’s natural for you also.” Ryan kissed Blade’s temple. “Everyone’s submission is unique.”

“I’m trouble.”

“Hey.” Ryan ruffled Blade’s hair and shook his shoulder. “You’re my trouble, and I like you that way. And before you ask I’m not going to become exasperated with you and change you for a new and shinier model. I know how to manage you when you get exasperating. You may not always like it, but it works.”

“I want to be a good boy,” Blade said softy. “I try.”

“You are a good boy. We just sometimes have deviations from the orthodox definition of good, and, Blade, I’m OK with that.”

“You love me?”

“Always.” Ryan looped an arm around Blade’s neck in an easy and confident half hug of possession. “I love my boy when he’s being sweet and insecure and when he’s being a redheaded demon and I want to string him up by his toes and beat him black and blue.”

“I believe the Green Mountain Boys frown on excess violence.” Blade tried to keep his tone serious, but he couldn’t entirely suppress the laughter that was bubbling up and escaping like steam from a boiling teakettle. 

“In your case, I believe Gordon and Milton would grant me a waiver.”

“You wouldn’t punish me like that?”

Ryan jostled Blade with his hip and kissed the top of his head. “If I have to beat you to the point you’re black and blue to keep you in line I’m not doing my job. If you’d like to wear my marks--and I think you would--we’ll do it with you in a totally different headspace than punishment.”

“It’ll hurt.”

“Yes, but it will be a good hurt.” Ryan kissed Blade’s cheek, his lips soft and just grazing the skin. “You’ll like it afterward, running your hand over the welts.”

Blade shivered and snuggled closer to Ryan. He wanted to be able to run his hands over his body and feel Ryan, but the process. He didn’t like pain that much, and it was going to hurt. What if he couldn’t do it?

“You’ll do it for me. I’ll make you take it.”

“What will you use?”

“Single tail. It will make a pretty welt.”

“Oh God!” Blade grabbed Ryan’s shirt in his fist. “What if I can’t do it? What if I safeword?”

“I’ll get you there. Don’t worry; that’s my job.”

“I can’t do it today. I’m not ready.”

“Shh. I know.” Ryan ran his hands up and down Blade’s back. “You’ve had a rough morning. We’ll make lunch and relax the rest of the day like normal guys. I’m sure we can find a college football game on the TV. Gavin has a TV that’s bigger than my entire apartment. It’ll be fun.”

Blade sighed and relaxed against his dominant. Ryan knew; Ryan always knew. Blade would get a day to recover before the ordeal. It was going to hurt. A whip. What would Sheldon say? What would Milton say? Milton had never left more than bright red lines with his belt that had faded by morning. Welts, what would they feel like? 

“You’re thinking too hard,” Ryan said with a rumble of amusement. “It will be good. I promise.” Ryan ran his hand down Blade’s hip, stroking and caressing. “I love you, boy. Now get those sandwiches made.”

“Love you,” Blade mumbled, dodging the swat Ryan landed on his ass. “Sandwiches coming up.” He shot Ryan a trademark grin. The cheek was so easy; the other stuff scared the shit out of him if he stopped to think, but Ryan knew. Ryan would take care of it.